"There is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza."

Past Thoughts

Friday, 16 December 2011

Ever since we stepped on the beach that evening she had been restless. She would continuously ask these questions and be so persistent that I had no other choice but answer every single one of them. She would ask about the waves, the other kids there, the fireworks and whether they would be bigger than the previous year's.  It had gotten so loud that I almost couldn't bear it. I turned on our portable radio just to drown out her voice as well as everyone else's. For the rest of the day we listened to the random talkshows on the station, he and I would have small chats about our resolutions for the coming year or comment on whatever was on the radio. As the night progressed and she grew tired, she laid her little head on my lap.

"What if they forget to buy the fireworks?"
They won't
"Yeah, but what IF they forget and then there's no firework this year and we won't know if it's a new year already"
There will be fireworks, I promise
"How can you promise that? You don't know, how can you promise something you don't know?
...Why don't you take a little nap and we'll wake you up when it starts okay?

She didn't say anything and shuffled around trying to find a comfortable position on the itchy picnic blanket. The area around us was crowded with people, each and every single person were deep in their own superficiality.

"But what if I miss it?"
What if you miss what?
What if you miss what, honey?

In that moment I remembered having these overwhelming feeling of gratitude and shame. I held her in my arms and promised to myself that I would protect her from the world. I promised myself that even though it was incredibly selfish of me, even though it made no sense. I didn't want to let go. Then I apologised to the sleeping angel in my lowest voice as to not wake her and I waited for the rest of the night in silence.

When we were young our parents took my sister and I to see the fireworks in Sydney. We had to leave pretty early so we could find a good spot. When we got there it was hours of more waiting in the summer heat. I would sleep until 9 when the first batch of fireworks start. Can you imagine being with 2 pre-teen brats waiting for midnight in the heat among this massive crowd of thousands? It was all worth it when we saw the first firework being launched over the bridge. At least it was for me, I didn't know it back then but I feel like my parents were happier seeing the joy in our eyes as the sky lit up. I don't know, I guess I really miss it. Going home was a bitch though!

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