Elitist Anonymous

Hi, my name is Jane Doe and I am an elitist.

I am probably the last person you'd want to see a cover band perform with. Whenever I see one of those my reactions would either be: "Ugh! Why do they keep playing lame ass songs? Why can't they play songs -by so and so band that I like- instead?" because from my experience they always do something to please the masses like Katy Perry or Gaga that we always hear on the radio anyway so all this repetition is just frustrating! Or if they do cover songs by my favourite bands: "Ugh! Who do they think they are? Performing songs only gods can play!" so not only would I make it a horrible night for myself, it would be a terrible night for everyone who can hear me. I'm like that old woman who complains at a movie because it's about a generation of improper, vulgar, don't speak loud enough for me to hear culture.

The worst part of it is how it gives the impression that I know anything about music, which I don't. I can't even play a triangle you know? It's just not in my bones. But what I think is in everybody's bones is the desire of being part of the elite. Which is why a lot of us wish for the day when we can sit with the popular kids' table for lunch, why a lot of us think today's music is complete rubbish aside from underground-indie stuff that none of the mindless drones have discovered, why a lot of us think we're too cool to watch the Royal Wedding live on television because there's nothing special about a commoner walking down the aisle in a McQueen dress with a 10 ft train cut like flower petals gliding along with her. There's just this allergy that everyone seems to have against the mainstream, why do we hate it so much? I'm for liking different things but there's just a point where trying hard to hate something is just plain ridiculous. I don't like the idea of 13 year old girls making videos, singing awfully and dating Disney Channel stars who looks old enough to be her mother but now I'm questioning my motive for that hatred, is it because I find the whole idea to be pathetic or just because I'm so anti mainstream like hipsters? What next? Will I start buying my clothes from American Apparel even if I don't even fancy it all that much, simply because I feel like being an elitist?

Until I figure out why it bothers me if someone finds out I have Britney Spears in my playlist, I hope you find a way to ignore comments I would make on how brilliant the artistic interpretation of the filmmakers based on a simple yet elaborated screenplay that meets the wits of intellectual film goers after a completely boring movie despite the fact that I dozed off with the rest of the audience just to make myself feel superior. But I'll tone it down because I know just how obnoxious this kind of behaviour can be.

Thank you.