Thoughts of changing the world at 2 am

It was nearing 2 in the morning and we were neck deep in styrofoam that had to be cut out for decor for an event the following morning. I've found myself plunging into very profound conversations late at night and the profundity of themes tended to follow an inverse u curve where there will be a point where people would talk about really serious or existential things before suddenly someone makes a really inappropriate fart joke and everyone will laugh uncontrollably for the next 10 minutes and everything just goes downhill from there. Anyway, I don't remember how the topic came about but someone said how deep inside, all people want to do is change the world, regardless how they define 'the world' and how large or immediate the scope of effects are. And I said right of the trail of his sentence that it wasn't necessarily true (which in retrospect was extremely rude because he might have wanted to elaborate more on the point, but I was terribly sleep deprived by that point). While I understood what he probably meant, that people want to see that their actions make a difference in the course of events around them or whatever (Joe Bereta from Sourcefed once talked about how kids would do really weird, messed up shit just to see how people and other things react to their actions and that really stuck to me), I said how I, like many people surely, had no such ambitions, and that I liked the world just the way it is. Which wasn't exactly what I wanted to say. It's true that I had no desire to change the world, but I am in no way happy with the current state of the world. There's a lot more corruption and inequality than anyone could ever want, and we as a race (the human race, Jesus...) seem to be ridden with countless examples of hate and anger. I want the world to change but I don't want to change it per se, there is a difference, do you see it?

To me the act of wanting to change the world is somewhat egocentric because it give the impression that you understand which direction you want it to change, that you have some sort of control over the desired outcome. Which isn't necessarily a bad idea because there are so many people out there who have such grand and inspiring views and aspiration for the world, and whom I would not have to think twice to support and rally behind, so it's good for them to change the world. I've already talked a bit about this before though, that if you're so certain that your worldview is the best and should be followed by others, then by Odin, you better bet your arse that you're absolutely without an ounce of doubt right. I am not one of those people. Who am I to decide or dictate what the world should ever become? I can barely decide what to have for dinner.

But this makes me sound really flaky and makes it appear like I want to bathe in riches without taking any of the responsibilities that goes with it, and that could be true but mostly due to the fact that I have no clear vision for anything right now. I don't have a stance, a direction, a voice that needs to be heard and believed by the masses, and so I don't believe I should initiate change because the only thing worse than leading a group of people into an abyss of all that is wrong and heinous is to let people hang on to the idea that you are taking them somewhere definite but instead have no idea what you want or are going to do with your power. This is why I hate politics. And this is why my goal in life is something yet even more egocentric: be thankful for my life.