My idiot phone and I

I've finally realised that I no longer know what kind of world I live in. It all started when mother bought herself a fancy new phone, it was one of those smart phones. I don't see what's so smart about it, it reacts when you touch the screen, big deal... (I was going to compare other things that react when you touch it but it all sounded completely inappropriate, what's wrong with me??). Everyone started ragging on my phone again. That's mostly all the interaction we have these days, it was either 'Go get a better phone, yours is so bad I'm embarrassed for you!' or 'When will you sprout and deliver us grand children?' both questions I did not like at all. I thought a phone was supposed to be for calling people, texting people and pretending you were too busy to take their calls. Apparently people think you need to have access to your emails and be connected with absolutely everyone in your network, but I like being a hermit, I like having personal space and I like not having my time wasted by poultry that seem to pissed all the time for God knows why because I waste enough time as is.

That's another thing, I went to a grocery store a few days back and from a distance you could see this yellow doll with a monobrow sitting on the display. I immediately thought that it was Bert's disembodied head from Sesame Street and was relieved because I thought the world has completely shunned he and Ernie for supposedly being gay (Homophobes! Actually I thought they were brothers which made the news kind of disturbing because to me it was incest instead of homosexuality. And while we're at it, kids aren't fat because of the Cookie Monster, kids are fat because I hate them) alas it wasn't so. When we walked towards it I came to the understanding that it was one them angry birds that kids seem to like shooting across screens. No wonder they're angry!

I don't like what the world has come to, we're embracing a culture of messaging to friends on Blackberries instead of talking to them while they're within 5 meters of you. What happened to talking? Now I don't have much to hate about people, I can't live without all this hate! I don't like living in a world where kids know characters from phone based games better than characters from Sesame Street. I don't like living in a world where people will judge my ugly ass phone, leave it alone, leave Pepe alone! I mean as much as I appreciate how it's made life somewhat easier, change is really uncomfortable, especially when it feels like everything is moving so fast. I miss the days when it didn't take 5 months before Apple cracks a new gadget making everything else feel obsolete and irrelevant. My God, it's like fast food but worse! Because people are more obnoxious when they can enjoy it.