Reclined

Just because I say things that I don't mean doesn't make me a liar. It's become somewhat of a compulsion for me. It frightens me actually how much I've depended upon these phrases. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder if the world would implode, if my world would implode if I stopped telling myself this. Because recently I've come to realise that they have very much become a reality for me or at least most of it has become what I've accepted and identified my life with. That is the truth, but what is truth but another convenient fabrication of facts? The truth is relative, my friend, as is mine. My truth is relative.

What if I stopped telling myself these 'lies'? What if the facts that I've reassured myself with finally become obsolete and it's no longer enough to bring myself to the ground? And I lay here in this massive body of water not even trying to tread to stay afloat, but I float nevertheless, slowly into the horizon. As if the sunset beyond the world is trying to swallow me whole. What if my constant reassuring is no longer enough? 'Turn to his embrace' a voice once shouted at me from the distance. I laugh at the idea because I have abandoned him as he has abandoned me, long ago, long before everything began, if anything ever began at all.What could possibly be waiting for me on those shores if any and all hope has been cast away by my very own hands, just as they did me? That suddenly he would take me back? That everything will be okay? There is nothing for me on those shores; those white, sandy shores.

"Tell me about those shores, Mr. Fitzpatrick"

There is nothing more that I can tell you, but you're welcome to see it for yourself. I'm sure you've been there as most people like you often have.

"People like me? People like your mother? Do you think she's been there as well?"

Now, don't underestimate your powers of observation. That would be a most self-deprecating insult that even I would take offense. You and I both know the answer to that question! What use is it to restate what's already known in this here forum?

"Where is she, Mr. Fitzpatrick? Where is your mother?"