Pursuiting Happyness

After reading an essay my sister wrote about the socio-economic condition of Indonesia and how the middle-upper class have taught themselves how to turn the other cheek, and upon realising just how much poverty surrounds me, I ask whether we really deserve happiness or not.

A lot of the problems we see happens because we decide to take actions that will please ourselves, any consequences it has, positive or not, to other people are completely unintentional because let's admit it, nobody really gives a damn. Isn't that unethical on its own? Corruption happens because we don't think about the damages it has on other people and even if we do consider it for that short moment of doubt, we convince ourselves that the happiness we will attain is worth the suffering of others. What's wrong with that? We look at it and we see what's wrong yet it still happens. Are the corrupt sociopaths? Are they incapable of remorse or empathy? I think greed makes us human and I don't say this because I'm trying to justify it.

I've often wondered if we really are entitled to selfish thoughts, for example I want to own countless couture gowns, possibly stitched by the bloody hands of child workers who could very well be my own brothers and sisters. But with the money I've used up to purchase such luxury I could have made so many lives better. I could have built houses and fed people living under it (I'm just learning about the concept of trade off and opportunity cost, bear with me a little). Does indulging ourselves in our selfish thoughts really give us happiness though? On the subject, Helen Keller once said 'it is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose' (I've been watching Criminal Minds too, also bear with that) but I wonder if 'self-gratification' really doesn't give that much an impact, if any, to our happiness.

Suppose I end up donating the couture money for some charity, would I really feel happier than when I roll around in an original Junon? I think I would eventually be eaten alive with the feeling of 'what ifs' that surfaces every so often, don't you? But suppose the other way around, guilt would eat me up all the same. Maybe we're just never really allowed to be happy. Maybe that's just the curse we get for being human, citizens of the world. It's really nothing to boast about.

Sometimes I wish I was still blissfully unaware. Weren't we all better off then?