Writing is Serious Business

This is a serious piece of writing. It is so serious that you will be given no choice but to find me, the writer of this serious writing, to be a morbidly grave sort of individual. Did you see how I used the word 'morbid' there? That was to emphasise just how deadly serious this writing as well as the person writing it is.

This is not a fun and lighthearted writing. I did not enjoy writing it, and consequently I do not expect you to have any sort of experience reading it other than sheer dread. You will not be happy, you will not laugh, you will not find the love of your life, you will not enjoy reading this piece of writing. Responses other than those listed above are absolutely prohibited and insisting upon such shenanigans or others of similar nature will result in your immediate removal from the serious audience for whom this writing is intended.

Figure 1

Refer to serious figure 1. It is actually a photograph, not a figure. That is the photograph of a serious person, hard at work on his computer. Take a good, serious look at the man in the picture. Notice his serious posture as he sits in front of the computer screen. This is the posture which you are expected to mimic as you read this writing. Notice the focused expression he has upon his face, do you see a smile becoming? Precisely, no. This man is not enjoying himself, as you should not enjoy yourself now as you read this writing.

There are no exclamation points in this writing. You are welcome to perform a double take and try to locate an exclamation point out of suspicion that I am an indecent sort of individual who would lie to someone like that. You will not find any because I have no written any. The reason behind this is because this is a serious writing, there is no room for the kind of excitement an exclamation point suggests. Do not look for excitement, that will be a vain effort, and mannerisms that indicate a trace of hope for excitement is also frowned upon and will result in your immediate removal from this audience.

Sincerely, but never cordially, yours.

X

P.S. The reason for my signing this writing with an 'X' is because signatures suggest character and a personality, neither of which are things within the range of luxury for a serious individual.