Cold Pizza, Warm Beer

2012-02-09T22:57:00.000-08:00

"I hate pets, they always end up dead"

~Mum

This is the story of when my mum tried to console me after my pet rabbits died. What kind of mortifying horrors has she been through???

On Politics

2012-02-06T04:20:00.000-08:00

I don't like talking about politics. There is just so much grey area that the only reason anyone really wins the argument is either by volume or the death of the opposition. So I don't really want to elaborate much into this post (at this point, you're thinking "Ah! She's got nothing! She's given up already" but if you recall bucko, I never really started) but with elections and global political unrest it seems inevitable for me to say something on the matter.

And this might be the "individualist" side of me speaking, because God forbid anyone would care the slightest for their own personal satisfaction, but just how much freedom would you give for social order? How many lives, whichever way you prefer to interpret the word, would you sacrifice?

My mum, dad and I had a conversation about the loss of innocence and how none of us really know at which point of our lives that we stop being these selfless children who see the world like it's filled with sunshine and rainbows. Is it naive, no, wrong that I wish we could remain being those children and stop corrupting our children's children simply because we need to teach them that the world is rough and will split your ass in half if you don't become this despicable, monstrous human being?

---

On the other hand, the gnarly weather is just.. gnarly dude, like whoa! Ya know?

Crap, politics and weather... It's starting..

What just happened here?

2012-01-23T12:07:00.000-08:00

How is it that I don't remember this song at all? I don't recall having ever seen it and I must have watched the movie a dozen times, recently too! I'm starting to wonder if they cut it out of the versions I saw. I mean the overall theme of the movie is controversial enough without having an old geezer lust after a woman less than half his age and threatening to burn her upon rejection, but this seems to explain a lot about the character and a deeper reason behind his mental hunt for an otherwise random gypsy that taking it out of the movie would sort of rape it. Maybe I just blocked it from my memory? This scared the shit out of me and I only saw it a few minutes ago. The movie from my memory --without this scene-- already scared me enough.

Beata Maria? Holy fuck this shit is messed up. I need to go read the book now...

---
edit: it was on telly again so I rewatched it, definitely blocked it out of my memory. The character design is pretty spot on wouldn't you say?

Words of Mediocre Wisdom

2012-01-18T10:17:00.000-08:00

Until last year I've never really been in a place where people don't speak my language, or rather more accurately I don't speak theirs. Which sounds really arrogant and snobbish I admit because that is really how I felt but travel humbles you. After being in the same place for years, seeing the same people, eating the same foods, doing the same things you forget that there is more to the globe than your little circle. That also sounds silly and arrogant but for a while I found myself somewhat significant, that I mattered and that the things that happened within that tiny circle was all that mattered.

There is actually something sort of therapeutic about sitting in a park or whatever just watching people go about their days without understanding why it is they're running around. Sometimes they try to talk to you and all you can do is smile and communicate in the most basic way. But then it made me think, how many times have I been stuck in a conversation where I don't understand or care what the other person is saying, so they end up saying whatever the hell they want and I end up saying whatever the hell I want and we get nowhere because the two things aren't correlated in the least way! Doesn't that make you appreciate more the conversations you have in signs and broken languages because it means you're making an effort to talk to the other person?

Back to the travels... I left home thinking I could find pieces of my soul in the places I would visit but now I think that a piece of every place, every person and every thing I encountered has become a part of me. I did not find myself in everyone but I found everyone in myself. And I have greater appreciation for their cultures, beliefs, emotions, character, heritage and just their very beings. Personally, it made me realise how much there is worth fighting for, and believe me, I know how corny that sentence was even before I typed it up but it needed to be said.

2012-01-14T00:41:00.000-08:00

I have this huge picture of Ian Curtis crouching over his mic right in front of my bed. The picture is so bad that you can't really tell it's him or what exactly he's doing so if you're not familiar with the exact picture, you might as well be looking at inkblots. One day mum came into my room, she's usually very critical when I draw pictures that look depressing (to her and her alone) but this one, which was kind of grungey if you think about it, this one she approves of. So I don't know if she thinks it's a picture of a man crouching over to pray or something very Christian like that but hey, at least she won't tell me to take it down!

Another boring, random story. To be fair, I'm also extremely bored so my only wish right now is that the whole world suffers the same fate. "Why not do something" you say, the sad irony is I can't be bothered committing myself to an activity. Yeah, I don't deserve to mope around.

Another random note! Why has it taken me this long to listen to The Animals? Is it weird that I'm sort of into their psychedelic feel? Because I'm not one for psychedelic music, they creep me out a bit and at times I wonder if you have to be high to understand their brilliance or what. But yeah, The House of the Rising Sun is just a wonderful epic, even if it is about a brothel..

Poor slob without a name!

2012-01-11T03:46:00.000-08:00

Oh please, don't judge me, don't you dare judge me because I know every single person in the world has at least once in their lives felt the same way after watching movies like Breakfast at Tiffany's! That’s actually not an accurate pictorial; I don’t really put chips in a bowl, we don’t really have a couch like that, our telly doesn’t actually have antennas on it and I don’t know how to put my hair up in a chignon.

I don't know how many times I've heard Moon River, be it the original or alternate versions, it’s like my go to song. I have to admit though that it was only recently that I saw Breakfast at Tiffany's. It really is a stylish movie, and though I cannot even begin to fathom how someone who makes $50 in the powder room can afford multiple Givenchy gowns and dresses, the story is intriguing. Hey, anything that still keeps you talking after 50 years is nothing short of intriguing right? I remember someone telling me, I think it was my sister, that Truman Capote originally envisioned Marilyn Monroe as Holly Golightly but it didn't happen that way. We thought how different things would have been if she did take the role, would the world even know of the little black dress? Because it was also said that Givenchy (the man, the ACTUAL man!) designed Holly's wardrobe because he was a close friend of Audrey Hepburn.

Ok I think I've strayed from my original point, the point is here's the point, Holly Golightly IS Marilyn Monroe in so many ways do you not think so? Aren't they both women who were corrupted by the world of super rats that all we want to do at the end of the day is just hold them like they were children and tell them that everything is going to be alright? I certainly see them that way and Paul Varjak even expresses that very thought in the movie!

“Is she or isn’t she?”

Ah that is the question! Holly Golightly was a big phony, she was this glamorous persona who would marry into money in a heartbeat but really I think she was a confused little girl (wasn’t she supposed to be 19?) who feels that she doesn’t deserve a man who truly loves her even though that very man was the only person who saw the scared girl under the mask. Marilyn Monroe was the real embodiment of the character. She was a goddess whom everyone loved and desired even though we have no idea what kind of person she truly was, how deep she was, how emotionally burdened she was. For majority of the world, then and now, she was a bombshell nothing more, nothing less.

Now, I shouldn’t even say any of this because I’ve only seen like one biography on her but when I was little and we watched Some Like it Hot, I felt like there probably was some truth in the character she played and the real her. Who knows right? She was an enigma and a mystery. And I think some would agree with me when I say that Paul Varjak resembles Joe Dimaggio.

Which brings me to my next train of thought, I saw Blue Valentine recently. And the times when my friend and I weren’t freaking out over the very graphic sex scenes while my grandma was in the room and the remote was nowhere to be found (seriously, the one time I wanted my family to not be there, they were all constantly walking in and out of the room) I was so taken aback by the brutal honesty of the story. You know? It wasn’t one of those movies that made you go hang on a sec and want to rewind immediately, it was one of those movies that reflected life so well that it gave you the chills. How one finds love and loses love in an instant.

Why did I bring this movie up I hear you say? Why because Blue Valentine just about messed up every other romantic movies I saw after it. I re-watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s and was heartbroken at the end, not from the fact that a Givenchy trench was being rained on, but because if Dean and Cyndi had no chance then neither would Holly and Paul. It was as though when the credits rolled I saw flashes of how the future looked for the latter two and it was not pretty. I mean as a romance, Breakfast at Tiffany’s was wonderful but as a reality it was one that would be overshadowed by grim tones. Also, Michelle Williams (who was pretty brilliant there) plays Marilyn Monroe in My Week with Marilyn, what is with all these connections??

Notice how I didn’t comment on Mickey Rooney? Well up until now anyway.. Let’s not even go there. Let’s bury it where no one will ever dig it up and see.

---
There is roughly 800 words in this post, Do you know how many words is in the paper I had to write for school yesterday? I could only concoct 600. What the hell is wrong with me???

Do the Alligator!

2012-01-08T08:53:00.000-08:00

Unless you're Sterling Mallory Archer...

I have been searching for this song for 7 years! 7! I remember the first time I heard it was during the rehearsals of this performing school in our city for Starstruck, and I was so in love with everything. Of course the brutal reality of the performing arts is everything else that goes on before the curtains rise for the first time. But when you were kids, just to be there standing in the crazy ass lighting when people cheered for you even though you were crap, knowing that you did the best you could, that was probably the best feeling anyone can have. That's not the point of this post though, the point of this post is that I found this amazing, fun song at last. One that kind of gets you moving, sometimes in all the wrong directions because like me, you have no sense of rhythm and know not a single one of those thousand dances. I'm not even going to begin to talk about the pink tux! God bless 60s men and their fabulous attires.

Apparently the "na na na na" part of the song was added in a cover by accident. Ironically, if that slip never happened, I probably wouldn't have loved this song.

God, I hate a lot of today's music...

Age of Power

2012-01-06T08:47:00.000-08:00

"With real power comes real responsibility and I don't want any of that shit. I just want the money and the illusion of power"

~It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I was reading Development Economics by Debraj Ray (which is a fantastic book if you're into that sort of stuff.. or so I've heard, I haven't actually read it. Can I get my moneys please?) when I realised that it absolutely had not pictures in it. There were diagrams, tables and graphs but they did not entice me to delve further into the subject one bit. Then it hit me, has my life really gotten to that point where I look at random letters (because at that point I was just looking at the pages as the letters seems to jumble while my mind strays to other important things like this blog post) in books that have no images whatsoever?

I don't like reading serious books, I'm not a serious person. People look down on me for that but it just seems so exhausting to be serious. I don't care for seriousness and I have no interest of becoming a serious person. What's in it for anyone? Get things done, yadda yadda and then what? Will I be happy? Will other people be happy? It doesn't seem to have an actual point (I just had a discussion about Nietzsche with dad, them philosophical limbos are trippy..).

So basically I'm just not physically present this exam week, because I'm hacking half the time and distracted with the allure of holidays the other half of the time. Is it symbolic for my not wanting to grow up and have to deal with the actual issues in life? I don't know, maybe, I just saw Radio Flyer so that might have to do with this sudden anxiety.

Twenty-eleven

2011-12-30T09:01:00.000-08:00

The year was good to me, I really can't say anything more. Sure, some things I wish didn't have to happen but overall, it was a great year. I mean, having troops come home for Christmas was probably just the best news anyone could ever hope for even if it didn't happen in my own country but it meant that a war is over and I can't say anything bad about that.

I have to say though, I'm sort of overcome with a feeling of melancholy now that the year is coming to an end. You know one of the many things I fear in life is the concept of a certain end. I'm afraid that what lies ahead, after the end, before the end, during the end will not meet my expectation and I'd be left with questions that will remain unanswered, ever! I'm also slightly saddened, but humbled, from finally realising and accepting my insignificance to the universe. But why end the year with these fears and anxiety? I'd rather face it with other fears like that of fire crackers or how I have no idea how to get through finals.

2012, bring it! Let's see if the Mayans weren't completely mad.

2011-12-16T07:41:00.000-08:00

Ever since we stepped on the beach that evening she had been restless. She would continuously ask these questions and be so persistent that I had no other choice but answer every single one of them. She would ask about the waves, the other kids there, the fireworks and whether they would be bigger than the previous year's. It had gotten so loud that I almost couldn't bear it. I turned on our portable radio just to drown out her voice as well as everyone else's. For the rest of the day we listened to the random talkshows on the station, he and I would have small chats about our resolutions for the coming year or comment on whatever was on the radio. As the night progressed and she grew tired, she laid her little head on my lap.

"What if they forget to buy the fireworks?"
They won't
"Yeah, but what IF they forget and then there's no firework this year and we won't know if it's a new year already"
There will be fireworks, I promise
"How can you promise that? You don't know, how can you promise something you don't know?
...Why don't you take a little nap and we'll wake you up when it starts okay?

She didn't say anything and shuffled around trying to find a comfortable position on the itchy picnic blanket. The area around us was crowded with people, each and every single person were deep in their own superficiality.

"But what if I miss it?"
What if you miss what?
"..."
What if you miss what, honey?
"...life"

In that moment I remembered having these overwhelming feeling of gratitude and shame. I held her in my arms and promised to myself that I would protect her from the world. I promised myself that even though it was incredibly selfish of me, even though it made no sense. I didn't want to let go. Then I apologised to the sleeping angel in my lowest voice as to not wake her and I waited for the rest of the night in silence.

---
When we were young our parents took my sister and I to see the fireworks in Sydney. We had to leave pretty early so we could find a good spot. When we got there it was hours of more waiting in the summer heat. I would sleep until 9 when the first batch of fireworks start. Can you imagine being with 2 pre-teen brats waiting for midnight in the heat among this massive crowd of thousands? It was all worth it when we saw the first firework being launched over the bridge. At least it was for me, I didn't know it back then but I feel like my parents were happier seeing the joy in our eyes as the sky lit up. I don't know, I guess I really miss it. Going home was a bitch though!

The Leap

2011-12-12T09:49:00.000-08:00

"Oh, it is not from vanity alone, it is not from feelings of vanity that Russians become Atheists and Jesuits! But from spiritual thirst, from anguish of longing for higher things, for dry firm land, for foothold on a fatherland which they never believed in because they never knew it."

~Dostoevsky

Though I wonder if it only applies to religious beliefs.

You know when we ask people, 'Oh, what is so great about being human? Why are you so proud?' and they would answer with 'humanity' and how it separates us from animals; those barbaric, primitive creatures! Well I don't understand. What is humanity? 'To be human'? Why that's the very core of our destruction, we die because we are humans, other people die because we are humans. Humanity is what will and have killed us.

And I question the Almighty God, how he could sit upon his throne as he watches the anarchic dance that his serves are beginning to lose themselves in. We like to believe in Him because it gives us comfort that someone is watching over us, willing to help when something goes bad. But he never pulls through, where is he now amidst this chaos of a world? Or is he comfortable with this sadistic view. In which case, perhaps humanity is great after all because a pinch of compassion is involved. Because at times, we have the decency to help others in crisis, we bond together with strangers in times of need. So I question humanity and God and why our parents encourage us to have so much faith in either, but what do I know? I'm just a kid.

Rosé

2011-12-10T12:37:00.000-08:00

Is this not one of the greatest musical piece about wine ever?? Ok so I'm not sure if it's because over the past few hours I've seen the Burberry Body fragrance ad around 50 times or if the song is actually pretty good (because I've been playing it on loop and it's been a cycle of absolute love to crying upon reflection on how much the song describes my life even when it clearly doesn't in any way to utter hatred and then back to love again) but I feel like the instrumental bits alone should be for a better, deeper theme than an alcoholic beverage, even if pink is your colour.

I know what you're thinking, "Oh God, did she really just google 'that song played on the burberry ad with that chick from transformers'?" I think you'll be pleasantly surprised that I didn't. I googled 'the song played on the burberry body ad with rosie huntington whiteley' because pffft I totally know her name and the fragrance line. Not sure how this makes me any less dorky to be honest. But yeah, so apparently the song was released in 2006 (was it 2006? It's pretty late I shouldn't even be writing shit right now) and then they, The Feeling, released this version for the ad and I think people have responded quite positively to it. Possibly because like me, they thought the singer actually said "Rooooooosie, I love your delicate way" which made it a sweet and sensitive sort of love song for a girl named Rosie. But the imagery in the advertisement itself is actually quite beautiful, I mean you can't really go wrong with Testino at the wheel.

Seriously though, now it sounds like one of those very few brilliant parodies you see on sketches where the melody to a song is just so moving but it actually has bogus lyrics. But brilliant nevertheless! Seriously listen to it, like seriously. I'm not even kidding you right now, swear to God that you'll listen to it. Because I don't what I'd do if you don't... aaaand that's cue for me to hit the hay.

It's not going to happen!

2011-12-05T04:38:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what kind of dog that is, it was supposed to be a pug at some point but then again I don't really know what pugs looked like so... be content with my pig/pug/cow breed of dog.

Sunday was just one of those days that dragged a little longer than it should have and then when the day finally ended I had to stay up all night just to catch up on youtubing interviews of Tina Fey. I don't like being tired. People keep saying that I'm doing this to myself, but guess what? I'm too tired to even comment on your statement.

It's my sister's birthday today, yaaaay. No champagne, no cake, no sister. And then I cracked..

2011-11-30T19:23:00.000-08:00

Gray Area : Funny

"In the quiet of the railway station running scared. Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters where the ragged people go, looking for the places only they would know"

~ Simon and Garfunkel

Some people are just...

2011-11-21T04:16:00.000-08:00

Gray Area: Cliffhanger

Here's what I learned from my first year of university: take advantage of any idle time to do whatever you like to do because they come one in a hundred.

You know how there are those types of people who suppress any feelings or memories inside? Or at least until they crack and completely lose it and proceed to go on a killing spree. I feel like that's the group to which I belong so this sort of acts as a premonition for the day when I have to drive people around in our trips and junk. Because I know people complain about absolutely everything even though there's no point in complaining about them (like how the weather outside is frightful when it's only slightly unpleasant) mostly due to the fact that I'm normally the whinger in the back seat. What's worse is I can feel my antisocial tendencies rising again because everything people do seem to annoy me, and the things that people I hate do seem to be even more annoying. Which brings me to my next point:

I said I was stupid on my last post but I'm not completely obnoxious about my stupidity so people who are piss me off.

But on a completely unrelated note, have you met Fabienne Delsol? I'm not sure if it's due to my recent watching of Pulp Fiction that rekindled the flame of desire within my beating heart for 60s Pop-Garage music but I love the style of her songs, a lot of which are covers that I think don't completely butcher the originals but you be the judge.

I Don't Actually Need Glasses, I Just Find Vision Impairment Ironic

2011-11-20T07:44:00.000-08:00

I wear glasses, I've had them since I was little so it almost feels like my nose doesn't know of a life without having frames hanging over it. Contact lenses are just no good, I don't use them for the same reason I don't rub sand in my dead little eyes, I don't like having stuff lying and floating around on my eyeballs. And it never ceases to amaze me how many times people I met initially thought I was really smart simply because I wear glasses, which I'm not, and if you stick around long enough to have an actual conversation with me you'd realise I'm not. Like really, people don't wear glasses because they're smart, people wear glasses because they have terrible vision. So for what it's worth, I guess I thought those people were smarter than they really are as well.

I don't actually know if I'm writing this to console myself with the idea of my comfort with my dimness or what because my mid terms are really depressing and I just realised that no matter how similarly some people were brought up doesn't mean their lives will follow a similar path as well. So let's divert our attention to the even more self-esteem bashing annual Victoria's Secret show and why networks think it's so important to shoot spouses of models who give standing ovation when their significant others walk by.

Do they think it's adorable? Do they think just because everyone is blowing kisses (along with a certain model's random arm waving in the first segment) like it's some tacky county pageant it's okay to add another tacky thing to the list and viewers won't mind as much like we were some kind of boiling frog? Do they think the ridiculous amount of glitter on the runway will generate enough glare for the cameras that no one will notice the fact that they're not focusing on the lingerie, which if I'm not mistaken should be the actual focus on a lingerie show? But then who really cares? Do people even still pay attention to it since Giselle's departure?

Know what else I realised in the time spent writing this post? My playlist is filled with the random mixture of David Bowie, Rihanna, The Script and Right Said freaking Fred due to a previous project.

Caffeine: A Sort of Overwhelming Like but Not Exactly Love Because I'm Just Not Sure I'm Ready to Love Again Story

2011-11-12T08:18:00.000-08:00

I'm still writing my paper, it's just at that point where you don't know what else to add or what more to cut out haha lookit, I'm trying to justify myse-PROCRASTINATION!

I was in the middle of manually filtering my coffee, with a paper towel which I know is incredibly unsanitary, when a thought ran to my head, why don't we have a coffee machine? We have a juicer and God knows the only one who really likes to juice every single inanimate object and drink them in the morning is my dad. There was a point in my life when dad handled all the home economics and decided that he would juice all the carrots in the house for breakfast, result: orange shit, orange puke, orange everything. I thought I would turn into an oompa loompa! Or worse, a cast member of Jersey Shore! Actually back then the world didn't know of a mtv without music but potato, potato.

We didn't actually have anything other than what I can assume is instant coffee which is just, waugh the humanity!!! It's not exactly a burning blimp awful but, like a mild disturbance on the tastebud? I'm not saying it needs to come out of the rear end of a small mammal or cost thousands of dollars but instant coffee? Do churches have instant purgatories? (Well, baptism... ooh loophole!) Like I'm not a complete snob when it comes to coffee, I can't tell the difference between coffee from Brazil and coffee from Sumatra but come on, it tastes like stomach acid.

Another thing is how terrible I am at making coffee. I'd add too much water or too much milk and cream or too much sugar the mug is basically leaking diabetes but never the right amount of coffee to make it just right. So I need to learn how to make good coffee... Maybe I'll go do that now. NO! Focus, you have a goddamn paper to write! *slaps self*

Here I bequeath Upon Thee a Simple Phrase

2011-11-12T03:26:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas. There, I said it! Or at least December and early January because it's the holiday season and everything is just happy and vibrant at this time of year. This is the time where people would start putting up decorations and play Christmas songs (the joyous ones like I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus and Jingle Bell Rocks not the depressive seconds verse of Silent Night or Hark! The Harold Angel Sings) or at least that's how I identify the season, that is what I almost completely grew up with. Shopping centers would have this massive throne where mall Santa would sit and listen to children cry and smile while the camera shutters click as the wee lad pees on his pants. By the throne there would be this gigantic Christmas tree that stands 3 storeys high engulfed in every single kind of ornament you can possibly imagine with lights that would twinkle gently every few seconds or so.

The other day when I was having a macchiato (I am so obsessed with those right now, or maybe it's just been a while since I had coffee..) at Starbucks, they were playing all these Christmas songs and I didn't want to get up. And I remember being so happy at that time, just sipping my hot coffee while I hear 'rocking around the Christmas tree at the Christmas party hop' playing, so I kept smiling. The freaky thing was I was there alone and this guy who sat across the room from me was staring like "what's in her coffee!" because I was smiling with my hands on my cheeks, staring blankly into the window behind him. Well I'll tell you what was in my coffee my friend, it was Christmas joy and cheer!

I have a paper due in 30 hours, meanwhile, I am looking for songs for my annual Chrissy playlist. Here's something just for kicks, can you guess my word of the day today? Ornament!

Congratulations, your life is pathetic!

2011-10-26T03:20:00.000-07:00

I was going to write a semi depressing post on how I wanted to run away from home and start a new life with the circus but then decided to stay in my miserable, miserable state of mediocrity because of my fear of clowns, but who really needs another reason to hate the world? Come live in the wonderful world of pop culture and see how many characters you recognise from the above picture! I gotta tell you, I recognise quite a lot of characters and to be honest, I'm not sure why I would even brag about that because all it means is I pay a lot more attention to these vain, intricate details than I do the vain, intricate details that surround my real life and the people involved in it.

People say that the eye sees what it wants to see, it doesn't really, it sees everything but the brain interprets it according to what we are familiar with so even though ultimately we see what we want to see, the eye actually sees a lot more but just we just choose to see something else entirely. If that makes any sense, and it shouldn't because I'm a bit disoriented right now thanks to my late caffeine rush. So anyway, I will see Janice Joplin up there somewhere because I want to see her in there somewhere. I also see Gandalf... who reminds me of one of my professors, who reminds me that I have my exams next week and I don't know much about anything.

The Hang Man

2011-10-18T08:10:00.000-07:00

It was early in the morning and any other day, the city would be bustling with varying activity but today was different. Everything seemed to have stopped and a large crowd had gathered in front of the grand contraption standing in the middle of the city. Everyone was fussing about, preoccupied with their own conversations though all were of the one topic. It had been the very subject that they have talked about for months and one person would say his same point over and over but noone seemed to care for this fact, they only cared of the contraption and what were to happen in the next few minutes.

The women were discouraged to come out that day, some had stayed in to 'keep watch of the children' while others made their way to the front of the crowd, their pashminas covering their eyes. "Oh I can't look" I heard one of the women say as the man next to her held her shoulders but her eyes glanced back to the contraption though her head turned away. Then all conversation seized to exist as a large figure climbed on the contraption. He checked the mechanical aspects as the crowd watched in silence, their mouths agape wondering if it had finally begun.

When the sun rose above the city hall and its rays lit the quad, other figures appeared from the shadows. This time three men; one was limp as the dead, his face was pale as though seconds away from regurgitating every meal he's had all his life. His steps were dragged and heavy as the crowd heard the loud thumping of his feet on the wooden panels. By this time the children had escaped their mothers and managed to squirm through the legs of the crowd, their mothers were behind them, seemingly looking for their beloved though their gazes was fixes at the pale man. Some who were close enough could see him gulp right before the first large figure placed a black bag over the former's head. Both their hands were trembling with hesitation and helplessness. He was now led to the tower of the contraption, the heave noose which hung above was lowered to his thin neck. His chest moved with agitation as he struggled to breathe from the combination of the stuffy sack over his head and the psychological weight of the thick rope around his neck. "Oh Lord, mercy!" he muffled through the fabric along with other inaudible noises.

A baby was crying in the distance her mother and father consoled her without taking their eyes off the main attraction. Nobody else in the crowd paid attention to the baby either. I remember a story a relative of mine had told abotu his first execution, he was first and foremost shocked at the sight of the sturdy bodied criminal crying for his life during the last minutes. There stood a man who had never shed a tear in his life crying just like the infant from the back row and seconds after the last sound was heard from his mouth, he was no more.

The priest and judge stepped away from the center after saying things that the crowd could care less about. Then it was time. The whole crowd inhaled in unison as the trap doors opened. It was a simple reaction, a loud gasp of air, the sound of a trap door opening, a convict falling to certain death. Then all was still again. Tension was in the air. Then we saw a kick from the convict. Then another and then another. He was still alive. The black bag which was not tied on had fallen off his head and you could see his face as soon as his body turned toward the crowd. The children and women shunned away from the bloodshot eyes. A man in the very front row shouted, "What is going on!?". The crowd was puzzled and looked at the convict once more, he opens his mouth and in a choking manner some in the very front row could make out the words: "Just....hangin'.... how about you?"

---
I saw an episode of Law & Order last night with mum about this teenager who committed a heinous murder and was sentenced death. It made me glad that we don't have a jury system because I definitely could not make a decision like that and live with it for the remainder of my life! Which reminds me, I still have not seen 12 Angry Men.

C'est La Vie

2011-10-09T04:21:00.000-07:00

Last week was awful, for 3 days I couldn't eat or pee because I was so behind on the things I had to do which in retrospect is actually my fault but I'm going to complain about it regardless. So basically I've found out how it feels to be burning the candle at both ends and it is exhausting. October is kind of terrible for me, I have my mids in a few weeks and I don't even know what some subjects are about so the fear is keeps making me flinch and I can't sleep all that well despite of the crazy fatigue.

Meanwhile not too long ago I was on the phone with my sister who at the time was sitting outside of the Lanvin show at the Jardin de Tuilleries where she saw a bunch of amazing people and that's something that I wish I could be doing you know? Just sitting at the park watching people wear pretty clothes and looking for a cafe to hang in. Sometimes I wonder if my sister saw herself sitting on that chair 3 years ago watching reporters and photographers flock over to important people arriving like a swarm of bees over honey. Sometimes I talk to people about how weird it is that some things happen to certain people but in all honesty I think no one has a clue what they're doing even after whatever it is that is happening is happening. Like I don't think I've done anything with my life that's all that amazing but there might be people who think I have an amazing life and wonder if I ever planned any of it to happen.

Basically I'm just tired and bored and I could really use a drink right now.. Oh! And I'm out of credit because I had to make heaps of phone calls and texts in the past week alone!

2011-09-30T04:51:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about van Gogh's struggles the other day. And a thought popped to my head, that if he didn't have to struggle through all that, what would have become of him? Maybe we wouldn't know this broken man that almost the whole world has fallen completely in love with. That if there was just that one person of influence back then who understood his brilliance like people today do, maybe things would have been completely different. Or nothing would have changed.

It's like when people ask my opinion about the Mona Lisa (personally, I'm more intrigued by the Girl with the Pearl Earring but you know, I know of no ninja turtles called Vermeer so..) I honestly don't know if it's the actual painting or the story behind it that makes it a masterpiece. But then again, what's the difference right? A window is just a window until you find out it's the window from which Martin Luther King was assassinated.

Motivation

2011-09-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

Me : I'm scared I won't be able to get a job after graduating, were you like this when you were in college?
Mum: No, I was offered my job before I graduated.

Or something along those lines..

Unf.

They're all overachievers, my family, so I have to work extra hard to underachieve to balance it all out. Nobody seems to appreciate this effort of mine though.

You... Shall Not... Pass!

2011-09-21T01:08:00.000-07:00

One of my classes today was taught by this guy who looked like an apprentice Gandalf and apprentice Dumbledore so the whole time I wasn't busy with trying hard not to fall asleep, I was imagining the way in which a cub Aslan were to barge through the doors and roar "Bitches, let's light up this joint!" while the former teaches the latter on how to resurrect himself into becoming a white wizard. Although I'm not sure what the legal age for smoking a drug cigarette is for a wild feline.

It was a good class though, Gandalf was telling us how important it is for us to think beside the financial value of things when you go out into the world. Or at least that was what I gathered.. It's pretty rare for someone who has been in the job for so long to still have that sort of drive so I absolutely admire him, it gives me hope that maybe I don't have to whore myself in the future.

Sweet Lord, Can You Feel the Love Tonight is playing!

Eureka!

2011-09-18T02:34:00.000-07:00

Last week I discovered a lot of things about myself. I found out that I only have like 3 pairs of pants, that spicy food goes right through me and that I feel suffocated living at home with my parents. Because for the first time in my life, I lived a few days without them and as cold as it may seem, it was invigorating! It's possible that it felt so great because it was only a few days while any longer and I would end up bawling in fetal position, singing "papa can you hear me!!!!!!" as theatre and Streisand enthusiasts throw empty bottles at me from across the street for butchering a classic.

I also found out that there is a part of me that regretted not trying out ballet as a little girl. The other part is just really grateful that my growth isn't stunted further.

I complained about not having an epiphany not long ago, I wouldn't call this one per se but it's not bad. And with this, I admit, I am rather slow what can I do?

I freaking love road trips!

2011-09-05T11:35:00.000-07:00

We just got back from our almost annual trip to Central Java where most of dad's family members are. After some 15 hours sitting in the car I was exhausted, sticky and absolutely bitchy it's a surprise no one tried to shove me out the car midway. It's funny because I realised that the most interesting part of the trip for me (aside from the crazy sweet food and drinks, the worst combination is when it's sweet and hot and all you have to wash it down is sweet tea so your tongue is just drenched is what I think is diabetes waiting to happen) is when my parents were discussing which relatives of ours had the ugliest children.

Which brings us to our next point, my thought of the whole affair right up to the point when a man was talking about how God apparently hates people who cut off family ties (speaking of which, what is up with that show!) thus making everyone very uncomfortable considering the fact a lot of people were absent from the family gathering:

"Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die."

In this small villa we stayed at, they had a wonderful collection of books in our room. They were pretty old and some of the books were already falling apart. I ended up picking up an assortment of plays by Oscar Wilde and it was freaky how entertained I was with The Importance of Being Earnest seeing as everything about it just seems like a cliche but some of the one liners, like the one above, had me cracking! It was nice to be able to take my mind off the fact that I had to share room with my parents and was given the role of contraception for the night. Also there was a frog in our bathroom.

My idiot phone and I

2011-08-29T12:19:00.000-07:00

I've finally realised that I no longer know what kind of world I live in. It all started when mother bought herself a fancy new phone, it was one of those smart phones. I don't see what's so smart about it, it reacts when you touch the screen, big deal... (I was going to compare other things that react when you touch it but it all sounded completely inappropriate, what's wrong with me??). Everyone started ragging on my phone again. That's mostly all the interaction we have these days, it was either 'Go get a better phone, yours is so bad I'm embarrassed for you!' or 'When will you sprout and deliver us grand children?' both questions I did not like at all. I thought a phone was supposed to be for calling people, texting people and pretending you were too busy to take their calls. Apparently people think you need to have access to your emails and be connected with absolutely everyone in your network, but I like being a hermit, I like having personal space and I like not having my time wasted by poultry that seem to pissed all the time for God knows why because I waste enough time as is.

That's another thing, I went to a grocery store a few days back and from a distance you could see this yellow doll with a monobrow sitting on the display. I immediately thought that it was Bert's disembodied head from Sesame Street and was relieved because I thought the world has completely shunned he and Ernie for supposedly being gay (Homophobes! Actually I thought they were brothers which made the news kind of disturbing because to me it was incest instead of homosexuality. And while we're at it, kids aren't fat because of the Cookie Monster, kids are fat because I hate them) alas it wasn't so. When we walked towards it I came to the understanding that it was one them angry birds that kids seem to like shooting across screens. No wonder they're angry!

I don't like what the world has come to, we're embracing a culture of messaging to friends on Blackberries instead of talking to them while they're within 5 meters of you. What happened to talking? Now I don't have much to hate about people, I can't live without all this hate! I don't like living in a world where kids know characters from phone based games better than characters from Sesame Street. I don't like living in a world where people will judge my ugly ass phone, leave it alone, leave Pepe alone! I mean as much as I appreciate how it's made life somewhat easier, change is really uncomfortable, especially when it feels like everything is moving so fast. I miss the days when it didn't take 5 months before Apple cracks a new gadget making everything else feel obsolete and irrelevant. My God, it's like fast food but worse! Because people are more obnoxious when they can enjoy it.

Dialogue

2011-08-27T10:19:00.000-07:00

Liz : Who are you?
Woman : Better to ask who we used to be. People whose professions are no longer a thing. Once I was called “Travel agent.”
Man : I was an American auto worker.
Man : And I played dynamite saxophone solos in rock n roll songs.
Woman : Come, we live under the subways with the CEO of Friendster.

~ 30 Rock

Swear to God, at the end most of my posts will consist only of quotes from 30 Rock. I can't help it though, everyone blame Tina Fey!

Cordial Strangers

2011-08-24T12:02:00.000-07:00

Gray Area: Morning

Sometimes I overlook the impact that strangers could have on our lives. Sometimes I forget that everyone is fighting their own battles because I get so preoccupied with being a complete bitch for no real reason. Sometimes we all forget that and we think everyone has their own hidden agenda and don't even consider the idea that sometimes people say nice things and do nice things because that's just how they deal with their problems. We spit at their faces, asking them with a condescending look, 'what's wrong with you?' and we make them feel like shit because we feel like shit. Well sometimes, the world is just shit and sometimes the shit you're going through is nothing compared to the explosive diarrhea that the person you just dissed was going through.

Sometimes I forget that, hell perhaps even more often that I wish and for that I apologise. I am sorry if on a really rough day I said or did some things that upset you just because I was a bit down, I know I can be a real bitch at times (if not all times!)

---
This is probably one of my favourite strips I've ever drawn so it's kind of a mix of confusion and heartbreak seeing that it might as well be the one with the least responses. I know that most of the time the things you find hilarious people don't budge at because it might be too much of a personal reference than one hopes. I really have to work on that!

If anyone cares, I just saw Clueless for like the gazillionth time and their playlist is just legendary! I'm listening to Supergrass' Alright which I absolutely love probably even more than the actual movie. I feel like everybody loves that song as well, even if you think you have never heard of it, YOU HAVE.

I wish I was a cat or something

2011-08-22T03:35:00.000-07:00

I'm frustrated that I never got a single moment of enlightenment, aren't people supposed to have them during travels and shit? There's supposed to be that moment of clarity when you're walking alone by the river where you suddenly understand who you are. Movies have given me so many false hopes. But I'm not frustrated about movies, I'm frustrated that everyone seems to know what they want to do with their lives and I don't have a single clue whatsoever and then they all put me in a corner and judge me for not knowing. I want to do a lot of things but then I have to think about how that would feed me, how that would feed my parents in their retirement because I found out that we have no savings. And it's not out of some noble heroic psych that I'm doing this, it's because of debt. I owe my parents. I hate how people can just walk up to me and say, 'it's not your responsibility to pay them back, it's their job to take care of you and your education' well I'm sorry I'm not an ungrateful cunt, I'm sorry that I feel like I'm wasting their money because I don't have the least amount of interest in the field I'm studying, I'm sorry that you think my dreams are stupid and not worth chasing and that it's time to live in the real world and get a real job.

God damn Libya and their guilt tripping me into realising that I'm ungrateful and obnoxious for worrying about such little things... I hope the revolution will end soon though with freedom for the people. Even though when it happens they still have a long way to go to achieving the utopia that is fully functional democracy. This is why I hate politics.

Are you writing ABOUT an idiot of FOR one?

2011-08-12T11:55:00.000-07:00

Two whole chapters of a consumptive teen's delirium! I'm afraid that although the characters in those chapters are most likely intoxicated after bucketloads of free champagne, I'm not quite at the same level or drunkenness and none of this shit really makes sense. Did people back then just have a higher alcohol tolerance level or something? Because for a middle aged man to have drunk so much and still have a completely eloquent speech on the rushed lifestyles and materialistically oriented minds due to the social, economic and political turmoil back in the days of the ol' revolution is just astonishing to me. Though it might explain how the party can sit and enjoy themselves in spite of several conflicts involving almost every single person there not all that long ago.

I know there is a literary significance in it and that perhaps it is just my ignorance yet again but there comes a point where one asks (around 3/4 of the story I shall have you know) where is this going graaaah!!!!

So to answer your question (knowing perfectly that it was not aimed at myself): "Tell me now, have I troubled you or not?" ya sort of did there young lad, ya sort of did..

All around the world, all around the clock

2011-08-02T06:51:00.001-07:00

Everyone is growing with time, they are learning and blooming as flowers would in the eve of spring. And I watch them grow from the distance where I am most comfortable. They are growing and proceeding to a better time. All the while I am in a constant state of limbo where there is no up or down or front or back, and there is no progress because there could be none, or so I hear my voice convincing me. So I stay there unable to break free from my present, their past, because it's tiring. I am tired of trying and I am traumatised by the failures that lurk closer to me than my shadows and so I crawl alone in my ball of stagnation, in the present for there could be no progress or so I keep telling myself. I am tired of the vain attempts of breaking free, the exhaustion it costs me and the lack of fruit it bears. I'm hungry for fruit that ceases to exist. I'm tired of the search for such mythical fruit. And so I watch as the others walk forwards to progress in the safe distance I've defined as comfort as I sat in this constant state of limbo. Waiting, just waiting to be rescued by... something.

Just as she inhaled after her final word someone looked back and extended their arms to her, mouthing something that seemed foreign to her until she heard '...all around the limbo clock'. And like a wave of maniacal fans from a football game who struggled to get up from their seats, the line of people behind that first person began to turn towards her as well and sang in joyful cheer.

Daaaamn I miss sucking at limbo.. :\
On a completely unrelated note, I'm reading (READING!) The English Patient and am facing the difficult task of trying not to picture Willem Dafoe's face when I read the word Caravaggio.. in the painting style of the Renaissance artist by the same name (Caravaggio, not Dafoe).

South of a Beach

2011-07-27T14:38:00.000-07:00

Can you see the horizon that separates the waters and sky?

"Two drifters off to see the world, there's such a lot of world to see"

2011-07-27T03:19:00.001-07:00

Have we no decency?

Tips for walking in the park

2011-07-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

I think there's never really any reason for anyone to walk around the park all by themselves unless you are:

1. Jogging
2. Stalking a prey what/whomever it/he/she may be (the reason I say 'it' is because i don't know what category kids fall under)
or 3. A hobo.

But there are always times when you feel like taking a walk in solitude as you feel one with nature --and because you live in a depressing concrete jungle, the artificial 'nature' that is a park would do-- without having the annoying barking of your dog or friends following each step you take. And I understand that, douche. So here is something I propose --because I'm like that, helping people out all the time-- to avoid the awkward encounters with the occasional, judgmental passerby. You could pay a hobo to walk alongside you. So you can walk around the park and people watch without it looking to creepy to other people but also not have to deal with the obnoxious sound that exits one's mouth. If you happen to meet someone you know and they ask you to introduce them to your 'friend' you can shrug it off and simply say he's a hipster friend for school. They're usually not very difficult to find but at times quite tricky to persuade into being your personal park chaperone. Sometimes you have the bargain of giving them a ten-er or even just buy them lunch but they might be completely unpredictable and stab you right then and there because it turns out you hadn't approached a hobo but a creepy geezer who is stalking a prey what/whomever it/he/she may be which ironically, just turns out to be you. But there is that other possibility that they ask you for drugs instead but those can be quite expensive, you can however tell them that you will only receive the drugs the next day and that he could just waltz by and pick it up then, you then slip them the address of that jank girl in class whose address you memorised by heart for reasons I really don't understand (or prepared before you left the house that morning, whatever) and then leave abruptly saying you have business elsewhere before they start asking questions.

Or if you're not up to the challenge of meeting new people and possibly gaining new acquaintances then I suggest that consider the idea that nobody really gives a shit what or where you do things because most people at the park probably are so preoccupied in hiding whatever sketchy business they have there to begin with. I mean really, who goes to the park anymore these days unless you want to hide bodies. So when you do go out to the park, just walk like you would normally walk and overlook everything other people do and they will do the same.

Bikes and Vermeer

2011-06-28T02:58:00.000-07:00

The day was coming to an end. I sat on a park bench by the river. It was quiet when suddenly, 'does this camera have a zoom function?' the man next to me asked. I nodded. He got up and proceeded behind the bench, crouching. I looked at the river bend at my left, as the tree hunched over it like a bridge. Then I noticed flashing lights coming from behind me, the man was taking pictures while mumbling on how to turn off the flash. 'What are you doing?' I asked immediately. After a pause he in turn replied 'I want to take pictures of those people riding their bikes across the river but I don't want them to see me so I don't seem like a creep'. Hm. But seriously, the cyclists here are nuts! People wearing heels and in fancy suits are riding bikes, that's a bit of a foreign sight to me. But I love it! Bikes are awesome, especially the vintage bikes they have here. It feels like a time in the past where riding bikes under the trees with your loved one was the best way to pass time in the summer (my notebook withdrawal symptoms are starting to kick in).

We had just got back from Den Haag that day, it was such a wonderful city the art scene of which was still alive and vigorous. In the alleys near the shopping district were rows and rows of small, contemporary art galleries. It is a city of the young and old as the buildings of what was mesh with what is and what will be. And therein lied a gallery that contained my first love, Vermeer, along with all the other Dutch masters of the golden era. Those two hours I was completely silent as the works of renaissance painters unveiled before my eyes. We sort of briskly saw everything because dad kept dragging me to the next room so we would have enough time to see other things than the Mauritshuis alone. It broke my heart when we had to leave but he was right.

I loved the place but you know, it was filled with young people... I hate young people.

Sleep is serious business

2011-06-16T11:23:00.000-07:00

Gray Area: Sleep

Based on a semi-real conversation I had with my parents. Mother said how her students sleep in class and that it's basically the same thing. In return I said 'it's absolutely not the same thing, reps are there for the people. They're supposed to represent people's aspirations, which they can't do when they're asleep. Students are in school and uni for personal gratification, they don't have any real moral obligation to be there or pay attention in class' and I forgot what she said but surprisingly she didn't mention how most students (with the exception of graduates) still use their parents' money to pay for tuition so in fact, those students have a moral obligation to learn 'em some education! Ha I whinge so much, I don't even know how my parents have not taken me in my sleep, put me in a box and chuck me into the river, I totally would if I was my child.

It's actually kind of like how I complain about the odd use of taxpayer money. That people working for the government seem to get awesome cars, that weird posters and banners are spread all around town, that people seem to think they need new DPR buildings and study trips overseas for reasons that still remain trivial in every way. All the while we don't have fire hydrants by the road, no real solution to the constant flooding and people in post-disaster areas are still living in shit as rehabilitation progress is slow if at all existent. And I don't even pay tax.

Have you met René?

2011-06-16T10:51:00.000-07:00

No, it is not a picture of a corpse, it's a chiffon dress with white gloves on a pink chair, and no, I did not draw it. So no, it doesn't mean I'm depressed, I just have great appreciation for the effect of texture the illustration has. It's not a scary picture either, what's wrong with you? Chiffon is not scary, man up you wuss!

Illustration by René Gruau (1909-2004)

the dimension of me

2011-06-07T11:06:00.000-07:00

People like me are burdens of society. We sit around and complain but never really do anything to improve things. We're not smart, we're not innovative, we're not brave and all we do is hope that someone else would change the world and not take their sweet damn time doing it. We're cowards who hide in words and arguments that mean nothing. And that's why I don't like my life. It's not about my parents not providing me with every single ridiculous shit that I ask for, it's not about people who laugh at the things I think about. It's about me not being happy with the person I am and the person I'm slowly becoming and not knowing how to fucking fix it. So for that I apologise.

Disney Marathon II: Sleeping Beauty

2011-06-01T09:06:00.001-07:00

"Gold of sunshine in her hair, lips that shame the red red rose"

And to think the song was intended for a comical scene with puss in boots and the white cat... what the hell kind of sick humour is that!

It's probably my most memorable childhood film experience because it had everything you could want from a fairytale, and more than a decade later I found myself knowing enough of the lyrics to sing along to Once Upon A Dream --not in pitch but whatever, screw you old Hollywood and your impossible, self esteem crushing standards. It's what I think to be the ultimate fairytale, there is sorcery, a beautiful princess with a curse, a dashing prince charming, countless musical scores that are all so amazing, epic dragon slaying, a happily ever after and all the while being orchestrated perfectly to Tchaikovsky's ballet score of the same name (had to google that) and then some. Having said that, this movie freaked me out so much as a kid it still scares me when Maleficent lures Aurora into the spindle room, I was on the edge of my seat during that scene despite knowing what happens next.

I read that the characters had real life models their appearances and parts of their movements were based on, Princess Aurora bore a resemblence to the Audrey Hepburn herself, with her slender neck and frame, big brown eyes and graceful springtime in her walk and I don't know if she really did model for them or if she were just inspiration for character design but uncanny! Prince Phillip was based on Ed Kemmer. I've always found Sleeping Beauty's characters to be the most good looking of all the Disney fairytales, Snow White's voice was so high pitched, Ariel looked like a child so that sort of creeps me out, Aladdin's hippie hair pissed me of, wow I feel like a 70s military dad right now. I mean the characters who weren't caricatures like Prince Phillip's father or other less significant characters like the owl in the woods were gaaaawjus, even Maleficent had that sinister beauty much like Snow White's witch queen before she turned warty and gross and the evil stepmother in Cinderella. If everyone had that one fictional character they were crushing on as a child, mine would be Prince Phillip. He slayed a bloody dragon for a girl whom he met for 3 minutes and sang a perfect duet with her, tell me that's not a romantic gentleman!

Story wise, it probably was pretty 2-dimensional but it was a simpler time and from a feminist standpoint, let's just say we've all heard all the feminist hate. It was a nice movie experience, to reminisce the time when we didn't need explosions and spinning tops to keep us entertained. If you watch this and end up disappointed then you're living in the future, it was the 14th century!

Let Me Tell You A Little Thing About Monday

2011-05-27T20:58:00.000-07:00

There is one day and two exams that stand between me and my summer holiday (it's not actually summer holiday because everyday is freaking summer here in the sunny ol' Pacific, even when it's depressingly raining cats and dogs I always find myself in heat and sweating from the humidity). You know sometimes it feels like the exam weeks are actually longer than the whole semester because we have so many days with no tests and those days are spent in anxiety and paranoia. Last night I even dreamed that it was the last day and I couldn't answer any of the questions in my intro to accounting 2 test and got in so late to my statistics 1 test that I only had 1 hour to do the whole test. So that that scared me shitless, I never really thought of myself as a prophet but I predicted the end of the world correctly so..

It's a Saturday, a wonderful Saturday with good weather where the temperature and humidity aren't set on let's-victimise-the-woman-with the-curly-hair, but all I can do is tremble with fear as I feel Monday lurking just around the corner, waiting for the perfect time to strike. I mean it will strike right after the clock strikes 12 on Sunday, that part of the science seems kind of irrefutable but if we had to personify Monday, it's coming to get me and I can't enjoy this wonderful day because it might strike at any time. It might have even struck me already and I didn't even see it coming happening or finishing.

You see Monday? This is why Rebecca Black didn't sing about or even mention you in her song! You think everyone likes you but they don't and I'm too good of a friend to let you live this lie anymore.

1955

2011-05-26T20:12:00.000-07:00

It must have been one of my more productive days.

At first I wanted to make the silhouettes to be made up of letters but that meant the picture had to be bigger to do the finer shadings and this was just going to be a trial thing but then I sort of liked how it turned out. And I kept the saturated sepia tones from the scanner because it looked more personal than the grey. Actually.. would it look nice on a t-shirt? Pencil and Snowman drawing pen, that is running out of juice, on A5.

Ach I need my movie marathons!!!!

The Rapture! It Was HORRIB...oh wait

2011-05-23T04:46:00.000-07:00

"You always wanted to believe, just ask and you'll receive, beyond your wildest dreams and you already know, yeah you already know how this will end"

~Devotchka

Guess what movie I just saw then? Nothing actually, well I saw Blast From the Past yesterday with young Brendan Fraser and Alicia Silverstone but I don't want to talk about that or its wardrobe, hair and makeup.

Memebase: home of the lulz

What I would like to talk about is the supposed rapture that I anticipated but never came. Now I have no choice but study for my exams. I do not appreciate this tardiness or breaking of promises. Do you know what kind of relationships are formed when it is filled with lies and empty promises? One filled with domestic abuse and infidelity! Then you will get pregnant and die. Even so, people still remain faithful to their beliefs. But it's their choice, I respect it, let's move along. Unless.. Philosoraptor was right and the rapture did happen, selected people were salvaged (lol really? it sounds like a mix of savage and sale) and the rest of us were left behind. This means that everyone I know has the wrong belief! Wait, has anyone seen Tom Cruise since the 21st?

No, ok seriously, move along. Dad was talking about the idea of me moving out recently, I never really brought it up. I genuinely thought they were about to kick me out because I'm a freeloading bag of shit and never help around the house, but then when I asked about it, he rephrased it into some kind of reward. If my GPA is good after the semester then they will let me move out. So I have to study hard for something that's basically passed already just so I can sleep in a weird bed, have a small closet they call a room, with no air conditioning, shared bathrooms, a diet that involves food with questionable nutrition and/or cancerous content, no tv, no internet access and 90% or my allowances lopped off while I have to find a part time job to fund my hedonist lifestyle? I can't imagine what they'd do to me if I did bad this semester! Gee I might have to think about the offer, dad.

Letting Go

2011-05-20T06:34:00.000-07:00

A group of people think the world will end on the 21st for the same reason they thought it was going to end probably the last thousand times or so: Jesus said it would. I would freak out right now but I'm kind of tired and sleepy, besides if it really does end tomorrow, that means I won't have to study for the remainder of exams I would have over the next few weeks. I'm pretty chill about that. I also think personally this would be a good thing because I'm naive and have zero ethics so I probably won't be able to survive in the real world. Hey, good riddance! It was nice while it lasted.

My only regret is that I didn't get to watch my Disney marathon or go to France and that I only just discovered the brilliance of New Order's music. But it's okay folks because the Lord Jesus will save all our souls, amen! Unless you don't believe him, in which case, at least we'll be screwed together.

I had a dream about being in a Nazi camp last night so I'm pretty terrified of going to bed but it's 8 (crap, I've turned senile) and I'm just really beat right now. Ta ta world.

But before we part, here is a line from their song Age of Consent which is a lovely song. Sounds like something my sister would rave about which kind of pisses me off because a lot of the songs she raves about kind of piss me off.

"Won't you please let me go, these words lie inside they hurt me so"

~New Order

---

Random note: Letting Go was the theme of the Ajahn Brahm seminar I saw, he told a story about a person running away from a tiger by jumping into a well that has a snake in it and reminded me of "The minister's daughter is in love with a snake who lives in a well by the side of the road" I wonder if Jim Morrison was Buddhist. Another chilling and great song!

O Captain, My Captain!

2011-05-16T13:33:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to see the silver lining of the lack of new Hollywood movies because like a heavy weight smoker who replaces his fag with a stick of carrot, I went back to good ol' television to watch my movies. It doesn't cost as much and at times I get to see great classic that could be very difficult to see otherwise. Though more often they would air things like The Brady Bunch movie, which made me a little suicidal to be quite honest, but sometimes there are the rare gems like Dracula (which scares the shit out of me but still, interesting..), Ferris Bueller's Day Out or the last movie I saw: Dead Poets Society. The movie is like 30 years old so it was weird seeing familiar faces but not recognising who they are, like Ethan Hawkes and the guy who plays Dr. Wilson in House because they were crazy young! Passable as high school seniors young!

It's a wonderful story and I just realised how it probably did screw up a whole generation of teachers. The teachers (well, at least from my personal experience) who encourage their students' individuality and critical thinking are usually the younger generation of teachers whom I suspect saw this movie and were inspired by John Keating's teaching ways. Maybe that's why I never really enjoyed language and literature based classes, because they concentrate so much on the science and mechanisms of writing that they forget to teach us about finding ourselves in literature and art. To suck on the marrows.

Watch it if you haven't!

Quote

2011-05-14T00:35:00.000-07:00

"his forehead was high and well formed, and atoned for a good deal of the ugliness of the lower part of his face"

~ The Idiot

Dostoevsky sounds like a fun guy to chill with. I like this book already!

Diplomat, Environmentalist, Broadway Virtuosa

2011-05-13T20:44:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I have a thing that I'm completely obsessed with, not so long ago it was A Single Man and basically the 60s era because it was around the same time they showed the Mad Men marathon on tv. Then on a sleepy afternoon, Pocahontas was on tv and I decided to watch it with no expectations whatsoever. In my defense I saw it soooo long ago and my memory of it has been jumbled up with the second movie which was a bust and The Prince of Egypt (I know right?) that was a wonderful musical experience but still creeped me out regardless.

It was awesome, the animation was gorgeous! Everything moved with such a natural fluidity and the colours were bold and emotive. This one scene where they were basically in the colours of the wind was so breath taking I still see it when i shut my eyes. The musical scores were moving, I actually cried in some of them but not in the same way I did when I heard the covers done by Disney channel stars. I think it's only made such a huge impact this late in life because I've matured a little bit since I last watched. The story and characters were pretty complex, it used to frustrate me that she and John Smith didn't get together because that was supposed to be the fairy tale ending you see in all other Disney movies at the time but now I have so much respect for her decision. Like I said, she's basically a diplomat, an environmentalist and a Broadway virtuosa. AND she has great hair! Such a great role model, I no longer look up to the Chinese cross dresser, sorry Mulan but the fact that you had to pretend to be a man to gain their respect is demeaning to women.

Now I can't wait for the holidays to begin and I can spend my first week lying on the couch, watching every classic Disney animated films until I bleed rainbows and know the lyrics to every single musical number there.

You guysss! Let's all sing along :'D

I March for the Sluts in Spirit!

2011-05-10T08:17:00.000-07:00

First of all I just want to say that if you have read any of my posts you will find that I'm somewhat of a liberal person so this may sound biased and even look like an attack to conservatives so I apologise for that but it is never my intention to badger any party, this is just my 2 cents and it can be worth as much or as little as you want. You can dismiss it and I will find it upsetting but it's your opinion just as this is mine and I will respect it nevertheless.

I was reading about the slut march in Toronto and it sounds amazing. I wish we would do something like that here, not because I like the idea of pissing off religious groups, even if that might be one of the many ways I like to spend my spare time, but because I think it's important for people --especially those who are or have been victims of sexual abuse-- to know that placing the smoking gun in the hands of the actual victims of sexual abuse is plain wrong.

If you're not familiar with the slut march, it's basically a movement triggered by a controversial message a cop said to a group of college kids on how people should not dress like a slut to prevent rape. He has apologised for the remark but it's sad to admit that the same has never happened here. If I'm not mistaken, that's the whole reason for this anti-pornography act that Indonesia has. Everywhere I would hear that women should cover themselves or they would get raped and that's precisely how they've decided to 'solve' the issue instead of tackling the actual problem: the rapists! I don't like how they've turned the tables around like that, making the rapists and abusers look like the victims of this urge that was provoked by people who dress like provocatively. This is not exclusive to women of course, men who dress slutty are also at risk of being raped but I have a feeling authorities would just say 'well, I'm very sorry to hear about your ordeal, but you basically asked for it'

People should have security, they should be able to feel safe and that is what the government and its apparatuses are for, protecting their citizens instead of victimising them. People should be able to walk out, dressed in anything they find comfortable and not be subject of abuse. After all, isn't that what democracy is all about? Isn't that why we broke free from an oppressive dictatorship? Liberty. But more and more I can feel that we are creeping back into a state of oppression and people aren't really aware of this because the process is slow but sure (I hate that expression! What does it even mean?).

But anyway, not everything happens for a reason, not everything is in our control, sometimes things just happen and it's sad that they do but it will keep happening until we look at the problem through the right lens. I have never and hope to never be a victim of such abuse and I can't even begin to imagine the kind of stress and trauma one goes through after it but I think it's indescribably awful and I don't think it's fair to put more burden on them by saying 'you asked for it'. So dress like sluts! Because it's your right to.

Wow! I just got done writing a 578 word block of text and you just got done reading it, lets spare a minute to pat ourselves on the back with pride. Why does it always feel harder to do when it's for school? On a side and much less significant note, I've been eating 4 meals every day, I still find it depressing to draw and I think I might just call it a day on my accounting class and focus on other subjects that I'm lacking at but still have a chance of fixing.

So few to do, so little time..

2011-05-08T02:54:00.000-07:00

I wish I had time to do the things I love. Isn't it sad to hear a statement like that coming out of a teenager? Like what have I done to myself? Why am I aging so quickly? I feel like Manny from Modern Family right now..

When I was little, I've always wanted to make my own movies. I actually did make one with my dolls and stuff, it was horrible I don't even remember the storyline. But I remembered wanting Unwell to be the soundtrack for the clip. It was horrible. It was hard having to do everything by myself, I didn't really have any friends that I was comfortable doing things like that with. I was always scared they'd laugh at my creative endeavours, I totally would. It was horrible.

I've always wanted to make a comic book as well. It was my first love. You know, when kids were reading their Harry Potters, I was reading Garfield. I wonder why people think me not articulate? Getting published is so hard though. I used to self publish my own comic books when I was in year 1 and 2, my classmates would buy it. I don't know what the appeal was. It was like a ripoff of every single martial arts story that existed. It made no sense either, my main characters were stranded in a technologically secluded, oriental island after being told by their parents to row to Japan and having their rowing boat capsized by a shark that never bothered to eat them. One volume was probably 20 pages or less long. I made 3 volumes if I remember correctly and they sold out. EL OH EL kids are dumb...

They've all had to do with story telling, one thing that I suck at because my brain keeps glossing over facts and jump to another. I sat down in the middle of the field during a soccer game once because the ball never went to my direction. I've never really understood soccer. I'm so excited for the summer break, which is hilarious because we don't have a summer break, every freaking day is summer. Why do people like summer? It's hot as and I'm not allowed to go to the store with no pants on! How is this a win-win situation government? Huh? How is this a win for me? But yes, 3 months of nothing but the things I want to do.

Speaking of which, can anyone teach me how to speak European? I can onrry speak Asian.

Monday Blues

2011-05-02T06:17:00.000-07:00

Which sounds douchey no doubt considering the rest of the world is popping champagne in celebration of a certain hide and seeker's death. Champagne that I will not be having a single sip of by the way!

I was just thinking in class --because that seems to be the only spare time I have to contemplate on things in my life-- and I realised how I'm not cut out for such a serious world. It feels like people in economics, to me, are drilled to care about the world, on how to make it a better place, economically speaking, about all sorts of government policies and the likes. That's not what I came there for. I thought that there were some other sociological aspects to it like how it influences the way civilisation moves and what not but also because I felt it had a better prospect than some of the other things that I wanted to do like being a starving hobo artist roaming the streets of junkie New York. But you know, if I could, I would tell myself from the past that it doesn't matter where you go to school --I mean it does to a certain extent-- but what really matters is that you find something that you're passionate about. Because even if you graduated from a world famous school but you hate what you do to the guts, there's really no point in doing it is there? Might as well use the money you spent on a journey of self dicovery through the Kazakh mountains.

I digress, what I meant was how I went in hoping that because it's a great faculty and department in a great university I would be able to come out with a safety net under me. Because I'm terrified of the working world, I'm terrified of rejection and to me, going here would have given me a guarantee to success. It's not true because if I have no idea on what it is that they want me to do then I'm basically a monkey with cymbals on a paycheck. And that is partly the truth, the class today was introduction to economics which is the core of my studies and I had no idea what the lecturer was talking about, how monetary and fiscal policies affect aggregate demand and supply and I can't imagine what anyone would be doing to need to know information like that. Do they just have too much time on their hands? What do BEs do when they graduate? Work in government, making policies that make no sense to the next generation or write books or teach? That's all I've gathered and I don't want to do a single one of those things. I mean, I don't know what I want but it's definitely not those.

In general, I just can't see myself staying sane when I have to deal with such serious things. Imagine if I had to speak in front of the world on the death of Osama Bin Laden, 'Oh as big as a triumph it may be for the United States, I believe it's a bigger triumph for him. Now he can finally enjoy those virgins' which doesn't sound very nice, it might be okay in places where nobody would take me seriously, which is just about every other place I'm in. I don't understand the whole war on terrorism not because I don't care for it or choose to un-inform myself for the sake of being anti-war but because I genuinely do not understand. I don't know what it means to the world now that he is dead, after all isn't he just another man? A symbol? What does that mean to terrorism? Nothing. But that doesn't seem to be what everybody else is thinking and even I would believe them over myself. When I heard the news I was overcome with 'now what' and it turns out that I'm more ecstatic that the two guys from The Flight of the Conchords made an appearance on The Simpsons! Which is troubling to hear from someone deriving from a generation famous by its ignorance.

Maybe that's just the type of person I am, a vain individual who is more concerned about trivial things that make no real contribution to the betterment of society. But I'm okay with being vain, it's been a part of me since I was born but there are always expectations from judgmental eyes that look at me, constantly waiting to be disappointed and both of us are too proud to fold from the game so we keep playing charades, I pretend to care about the serious aspects of the world and still hope to change the world through economics and they pretend that they still have expectations of me.

Elitist Anonymous

2011-04-30T03:09:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name is Jane Doe and I am an elitist.

I am probably the last person you'd want to see a cover band perform with. Whenever I see one of those my reactions would either be: "Ugh! Why do they keep playing lame ass songs? Why can't they play songs -by so and so band that I like- instead?" because from my experience they always do something to please the masses like Katy Perry or Gaga that we always hear on the radio anyway so all this repetition is just frustrating! Or if they do cover songs by my favourite bands: "Ugh! Who do they think they are? Performing songs only gods can play!" so not only would I make it a horrible night for myself, it would be a terrible night for everyone who can hear me. I'm like that old woman who complains at a movie because it's about a generation of improper, vulgar, don't speak loud enough for me to hear culture.

The worst part of it is how it gives the impression that I know anything about music, which I don't. I can't even play a triangle you know? It's just not in my bones. But what I think is in everybody's bones is the desire of being part of the elite. Which is why a lot of us wish for the day when we can sit with the popular kids' table for lunch, why a lot of us think today's music is complete rubbish aside from underground-indie stuff that none of the mindless drones have discovered, why a lot of us think we're too cool to watch the Royal Wedding live on television because there's nothing special about a commoner walking down the aisle in a McQueen dress with a 10 ft train cut like flower petals gliding along with her. There's just this allergy that everyone seems to have against the mainstream, why do we hate it so much? I'm for liking different things but there's just a point where trying hard to hate something is just plain ridiculous. I don't like the idea of 13 year old girls making videos, singing awfully and dating Disney Channel stars who looks old enough to be her mother but now I'm questioning my motive for that hatred, is it because I find the whole idea to be pathetic or just because I'm so anti mainstream like hipsters? What next? Will I start buying my clothes from American Apparel even if I don't even fancy it all that much, simply because I feel like being an elitist?

Until I figure out why it bothers me if someone finds out I have Britney Spears in my playlist, I hope you find a way to ignore comments I would make on how brilliant the artistic interpretation of the filmmakers based on a simple yet elaborated screenplay that meets the wits of intellectual film goers after a completely boring movie despite the fact that I dozed off with the rest of the audience just to make myself feel superior. But I'll tone it down because I know just how obnoxious this kind of behaviour can be.

Thank you.

Soundtracks of My Life

2011-04-27T07:47:00.000-07:00

LOL if only... if only....

If you would, spare 3 minutes of your life to listen to this song, for me. It's such a beautiful piece, so beautiful it makes me wish my life was an Academy award nominee for best picture, starring a powerhouse cast with a Tom Ford wardrobe and saturated, grainy shots every now and then. But only because I'm dissatisfied with my own right now.

Last year my definition of freedom is the ability to do something you have a passion for and just be happy about, and now I'm just indecisive about what I want in life that I'm contemplating it over a glass or water --because as poetic a glass of bourbon across a fireplace might be, I can't afford that jeez! So for the moment, I want my life to be like a movie, filled with crap but you know everything will come through in the end. I need that idea of security.

But if you're not into something depressingly beautiful,

Because I watch 80s music videos when I feel down, so come on, come on do the loco motion with me!

Misogynying

2011-04-23T09:57:00.000-07:00

Gray Area: Misogyny

Ok, it was earth day and I had no idea. Is it no longer cool to care about the environment so people got stingy when it came to informing the masses or did I just not get the memo? Well, I didn't use the car at all today, I spent the whole day in my air conditioned room with the music playin', phone a chargin' while I was a sleepin' so how is that for contribution? :D

This strip actually deals more about women's right because it was Hari Kartini on the 21st and though I find it a bit ironic that we celebrate the mark of women emancipation in Indonesia by having parading girls dressed up in traditional clothing which seems a bit demeaning to me. Also, don't we still have a long way to go before we can celebrate? Women still have lower salaries compared to men doing the same job, some aren't even allowed to leave the kitchen let alone work, and something tells me lots of women are sexually harassed at work a la mad men.

And in case anyone is wondering, no, I still can't drive straight. At least not without causing serious damage to the city and/or people's body parts. Also, I am not a misogynist, repeat, NOT a misogynist.

gotta get down on good friday

2011-04-23T02:22:00.000-07:00

you gotta pay the troll toll to get into the boy's hole

On Good Friday we went to church because I owed it to mum because she still thinks I'm a devout Christian and I mean what's 2 or 3 days a year? It's kind of entertaining because the church we go to keep making productions like plays and choirs and stuff (mum would get pissed whenever people clap 'what is this American Idol?' what is this the early 2000s? Why are we making american idol references?) and it would either end up really disturbing, offensive or just plain corny so just watching the awkward looks on people's faces was worth the tripe.

So anyway we went to church yesterday morning, well it was like 10 but it felt really early for me and I almost fell asleep maybe a dozen times. This whole week I've been so sleepy, it's almost scaring me because I had coffee after a long sobriety just two days ago and I went straight to sleep after that. It's like as if my metabolism have gone nuts. In my defense the service was at least two hours long so it's like a full feature length movie with Nicholas Cage, how do you not sleep through that? It's not like I could, for one thing the statue of Jesus at the front was looking down miserably at me as though he was saying 'dude, you're not even gonna see Me die?' and in addition there was this kid sitting next to us and he would keep looking at me and telling his mother whenever I dozed off. I felt like sending him to a permanent dream myself. But I got to take a little nap during the prayers, Christians like to take forever praying and then yell AMEN! at the end so you can't miss your mark.

Point is I'm so sleepy it's not even funny... and I have to get up at 6 tomorrow because the latest service starts that time. And I'm listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart man! I don't even care about anything anymore!

I Want Fairy Godparents

2011-04-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

This time last year I was looking forward to college so, so much because in my head it was this place where I can finally choose what to learn, take classes I actually want to take. Boy was I wrong! I had no clue that it would be the exact same black hole that suck every single life form that comes close to it. Nothing but apathetic professors, two faced classmates, gross bathrooms and all sorts of classes that you they make you take just to graduate. That's another thing to lure people in, I thought that you can at least take courses outside of your major, like minor in something else completely different like philosophy or English. Guess what? Nu uh, gotta minor in econ as well! It's like the gift that never stops giving. Did I tell you about my hatred of gifts? So I'm exhausted of having to come through the gate, seeing number and figures, pulling the puzzles apart.

So I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in my American college based movie knowledge. I have a dream that one day this institution will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "Veritas, Probitas, Iustitia: Truth, honesty and justice (wait that's what it means? I thought there was at freedom in there)." I have a dream that one day on the grease covered benches of the cafeterias the sons of one faculty and the sons of other faculties will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood after a class that they can all take with no strings attached. I have a dream that one day even the faculty of economics, a deserted faculty, sweltering with the heat of freaking Depok, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice, also one that does not rely so much on air conditioning. I have a dream that my four dogs will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the mistake of a form filling, picking a major for the lulz but by the content of their capabilities. I have a dream today. I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

Okay in retrospect, that's really offensive but if you actually read through that before deciding that it's offensive then I applaud you, good sir. It's a wonderful speech and sadly still relevant in today's world. I find it shameful that we have become a society that speaks a universal language called hate yet still feel indifferent about it. Wait, I'm not done whinging about my life. I don't want to stay in this God forsaken place for too long, I don't want to graduate and have to actually work at banks or something depressing like that, I don't want to die. It's simple really, I want fairy godparents to grant my every wish, no matter how ridiculous it may seem.

A Hairy Situation

2011-04-19T01:31:00.000-07:00

Outbreak by yours truly

Definitely not an ambiguous title!

A few days ago I read about how swarms of hairy caterpillars have 'taken over' Lombok after Java and Bali. I still don't know how they get across those massive bodies of water. That's probably not Lombok in the last panel.. It's gonna make it after all!

The Gift of Giving

2011-04-18T07:11:00.000-07:00

I've never been good with this whole gift giving business. Another thing to add to my list of failures le sigh... No, I'm just not one of those people who can pick great gifts that reflect the person's personality or the ability to change one's perspectives on life. I like to give things that I made myself, maybe it's just that phase people normally have throughout pre-school/kindergarten, mum's always said I'm a late bloomer.

But with gift giving is the element of surprise and there's apparently just not a single ninja bone in my body so I can never make those things discretely. Like I was about to make a notebook for mum when she comes through the door because I forgot to lock it and I couldn't come up with a single excuse. I also have zero hiding spots, the best ones usually I forget myself, so when the time came for me to give the actual present we end up having a game of 'looking for presents in my closet', which is like Where's Wally except without all the red and white and there could possibly be roaches lurking around in all the dark corners. Lol that's not true, normally I just give up and put it under my pillow, nobody ever thinks of looking there (sarcasm by the way).

I'd like to point out that growing up, I never really liked getting presents, I liked opening them but then that's it. Not because I never like the gifts people give me but I just never feel like I wanted or needed anything, I feel like all throughout my childhood I was content. It just felt sort of spoilt. Actually, now looking back at it, I sort of regret not have taken advantage of the whole concept. What's important was cake, every single birthday we would have cake even if they're small ones that we buy at the grocery store or a 'cake' my parents fashioned out of donuts stacked into a tower, there was always cake. I guess that's just what I've identified birthdays with. We're not a very traditional family, and I like the fact that we're not. It makes me feel better about being cheap when it comes to gifts.

---

On a completely unrelated note, a platinum blonde Kirsten Dunst? I've always found her too regal looking as Mary Jane Watson.

123 On the Wordcount

2011-04-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

Dialogue

2011-04-13T07:11:00.000-07:00

LOL

Sweet Dee : I don't know how you guys live with yourselves.
Charlie     : One day at a time.
Mac          : One day at a time.
Dennis       : One day at a time.

~ It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Buh Duhhhh Graduationing?

2011-04-07T05:07:00.000-07:00

Gray Area: B

I've been asked this question by various people all the time: How did you graduate high school? And I tire of having to answer them individually. I don't really blame them, I'm not exactly the brightest bulb in the pack, in fact I'm what you call a damaged good, you know the bulb you send back to the factory? Only in this case my parents can't just return me to the manufacturer, apparently my mother's womb doesn't work that way. So to avoid further vivid images of my mother's womb and people's curiosity, this is exactly how I graduated and got into a university. It's called slipping through the cracks, the cracks of the education system is just larger than one expects or wish it is but all we can do is just sit back, relax and deal with the fact that people like me are contaminating your society.. ya'll! You can hate me all you want, but in my personal opinion, it would be better to hate the system instead.

On an unrelated note, I hope imported movies are green lighted again, I so look forward to Hanna. It's directed by Joe Wright who is ah-mazing and Saoirse Ronan who I think is one of --if not-- the best young actresses today. AND CATE BLANCHETT!! For the love of.. please, please let that show in theatres here!!!

Current Affairs, Schmoorent Affairs!

2011-04-05T04:49:00.000-07:00

Gray Area: News

I wish I could say that I'm well informed, I really do but then I'd be lying and I don't like lying. There's always too much cold sweat, skipping hearts and judgmental eyes upon discovery when I lie and I'm not a fan of any of those things. And as much as I'd like to blame the news for being too unappealing for readers with small attention span --like yours truly to read, that would just be plain awful of me to not take responsibility over any of my self inflicted negative traits and I don't like being awful, there's always too much cold sweat, skipping hearts and judgmental eyes upon my self hatred for me to enjoy any of it. So instead of blaming the ugliness of newspaper paper or blaming myself for being an ignorant prick, I will choose to justify my dis-well-informed-ness by saying that it's depressing, especially recently when wherever I see there would be news on the air raids going on in North Africa, the rallies all over the Middle East and Pakistan, the possibility of Rebecca Black releasing a new single (lol I'm totally kidding, that would be epic shit! I so look forward to that) the nuclear leaks in Japan, the reviews of Justing Bieber's movie (you know I actually went to the bookstore the other day and his memoir is on the best sellers rack along with a book about Hitler, Lenin and Stalin, I don't know if I should laugh in delight or woeful irony because he's on the same par as mass murderers or popular political figures at this time of year), the abuses of certain groups basically all over the freaking world, Liz Taylor dying! I mean, why can't we have happier news anymore? Why can't newspapers be filled with puppies in a field of flowers under a perfect rainbow where leaders of the world would sing Kumbaya hand in hand as unicorns soar above, dancing in sync with the horribly flat singing. But that would be a lie by the media, and I don't like lies by the media. There is always too much so and so you get the rest involved..

But I digress, I will start reading the newspaper and watch the news when I hear about more potentially happier things happening in the world, and when they get a more appealing makeover. Maybe less Times New Roman and more Comic Sans. Problem?

The Tale of the Morning Caller

2011-04-03T22:01:00.000-07:00

The room was still dark, the blanket decided to break free from the dictatorship that is my sleeping position and thought it had the right to have a mind of its own, and so it kept creeping to the other end of the bed. I would say it was a wonderful sleeping experience if it weren't for the fact that I'd been half awake since a few hours because part of me needed to go to the bathroom and part of me thought bladder could wait.

Then a strange sound burst through my half-dream-half-reality, it was the sound of my mobile phone, the strange, muzzled but familiar sound of the acapella closing theme to the popular tv show Glee that I personally think has experienced a decline after the second season began. I'd forgotten to put my phone on silent but even if I chose to ignore it, the caller persists on not hanging up and so the vibration of the stupid phone kept my senses awake forevermore. With a sigh I sat up and clicked on the 'busy' option of the phone and then silence and the bed wasn't shaking with a freaky, misleading notion.

When I began to sink into another dream, the phone began to ring again, it was the same unsaved number. Thoughts began to run through my head, was it someone at the hospital telling me that an acquaintance had an accident of some sort? Was it the police with a lead to an unsolved murder and found that my number was the last the victim had called before tragedy struck? Or was it perhaps just a jackass who thinks it would be funnier to pull an April Fool's prank 3 days late? I decided it was the latter and considered picking the phone up and yelling 'what the hell time do you think it better be asshole??' the incoherence of the message was due to the fact my mind was thinking of 3 different responses: what the hell do you want, what time do you think it is, and someone better be dying followed by the subject referring to the caller as asshole. Then I looked at the time, thinking it was 3 a.m. but it turned out that it was 7:46, then looked at the window to find the sun greeting my face and realised how big of a douche I would sound had I answered in such a manner. Rather than start a fight over the phone with someone who could be in grave distress, a policeman/woman or some jerk I possibly have never met before my instincts fought for me to go back to sleep, so again, I clicked on the 'busy' button. I then sank into a deeper sleep before waking up 3 minutes later to finally go to the bathroom.

And thus ends The Tale of the Morning Caller. I want to apologise if it was you calling, I'm known to be a bitch in the morning when I lack sleep. And I understand that it doesn't justify anything so I propose another point: if it was so important, said caller could have called again in 75 minutes when I was awake and happy. Lol, no, seriously I'm sorry about that..

'We Live in a Beautiful World'

2011-03-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

Oh my God! This is probably one of many things that I absolutely love about life. And not just jeans actually, just pants in general, the way it slides down without any struggle is just.. therapeutic. Another thing is walking barefoot on grass, especially in the morning --right after the dew is gone of course.

One time when I was completely bummed about everything that went down with my life, my sister told me about this tumblr: http://just-littlethings.tumblr.com and it reintroduced me about the things I love about life in general, the simplicity of it all is just poetic and God damn beautiful! I know it sounds cliched but with every page I read was a smile across my face. I mean pizza and beer does that as well but this one is healthier for your physique I think. On a side note, Glutton for Punishment had an episode where Bob Blumer went 5 days without eating or drinking anything but Guiness, is that good for the liver?

Aaaand I --well my sister again actually, I should send her a gift basket or something hm. How does another free shirt that can never be washed due to lack of thinking through sound kiddo?-- found the song from like years ago that channel 10 used to play on their ads, it was Don't Panic by Coldplay and I'm playing it on loop and the happiness the song gave me back then are coming back. And in spite of the crazy depressive Accounting class, getting rained on while wearing a white shirt and the 'oh I probably failed whatever' painting exam, I am so happy right now! Fuck! :D

A stock within a stock within another stock

2011-03-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

"The relationship between authorized, issued, and outstanding stock is shown in the graphic at the left"

Graphic at the left

WHAT IS THE RELATIONSHIP???? That they form a target shape? That it's like that of a mother and her embryo? That they are sort of friends but it's complicated because Authorized has feelings for Outstanding but everyone knows that Outstanding has a history with Authorized's best friend Issued? Seriously I've been looking at this page in my book for hours and I have no idea what it means..... it probably means nothing, publishers seem to like putting irrelevant pictures on pages just so it's not just a block of intimidating text (lol sounds like the concept of this blog).

Earth Hour!

2011-03-26T08:34:00.000-07:00

I know it sounds hypocritical when a person who sleeps in an air conditioned room every night says it but today was/is/will be the day we're supposed to turn our lights and other electronic appliances off for 1 hour. I know that people think it's only for show or other political stuff, that it doesn't really help much or whatever people like to say these days but I think it counts. Awareness counts.

It's also a great way to get a group of people together and talk about things whereas normally they would run along in their little circles, doing their routines. I for one had another deep conversation about religion with my family. Religion is a funny thing because it's never the same for everyone, my family can talk about it like every other thing we talk about but outside of these walls, we are silent because it's a taboo to even bring up the topic. Why is it such a sensitive matter anyway? Why do people have to over analyse things that other people do?

Like earth hour! Maybe we just want to live in a better world, and a better world starts with smaller movements, like having inter-religious dialogues to clear up the air or turning the damn lights off for one measly hour. Why not stop being a douchebag for once? Not everyone has a secret agenda. Maybe this is just the idealist part of me speaking again, but Pride and Prejudice reached a happy ending when they put their pride and prejudices aside.

This is me complaining again.. lol sorry folks! Have a happy earth day! :D

Foreign Affairs, Psychological Disorders, Fashion and Management: The story of how I understand none of those things

2011-03-21T06:40:00.000-07:00

What's with the missiles eh brother? How do you save people when you chuck explosives at them? But hell I got a submarine, you got gasoline, I don't wanna talk about wars between naaaations! Not right now...

Instead of studying about management (along with the irony of reading the section on time management I've been putting off since last year) I decided to read this site about psychology, can't remember what it was right now, and there was this analysis on child abandonment issues. Then I kept reading, and reading, the emotional trauma, the 'lost child' the iceberg, the false identity. It all seems a little closer to home than I wanted it to be! So now I'm freaked out that I might have a mild case of abandonment issues because if I did, a lot of things make sense. How I have no backbone, how I never try to cross mum, how I always insult people as a way to interact with other humans. Then again, the credibility of a website is always, always questionable these days and I am by no means in the position to diagnose people --furthermore, myself-- of having psychological disorders.

But here is something I made concerning another psychological trauma I suffer from. The burdens of shopping and the judgmental nature of shopkeepers....

Gray Area: Price by yours truly

Do the dresses on display in the background look familiar to you? If it does, it's because they're what I remember of the Lanvin x H&M collaboration last year. Please don't sue me :') Obviously I don't know first hand what people are like in the industry but people seem to like portraying them to be complete assdouches and I don't want to picture my favourite artists turn out to be assdouches (2 have turned out to be and it's quite heartbreaking to be honest..). But shopkeepers, eesh, are you trying to sell anything to us or what? Maybe they need to learn management and customer service more than I do!

Confound it! that reminds me to go back to education.. Err management is amazing! :D

patheticgirl43

2011-03-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

Dear diary, I'm alone.. again...

I don't like complaining but I do anyway and I hate it. I feel like I have nothing to complain about, I have a roof over my head, there is always food on the table, I even get to go to school when there are others who would kill for my position --granted I was probably accepted for lawsuit evasion or some other bureaucratic nonsense but I'll take what I can get. My hands just keep typing even when I want it to stop and my mouth keeps rambling when I don't want to talk, and every motoric sense in my body is sending messages to my brain for it to find some justification point for my complaints. That it's me taking one for the team and being noble, that the world is unfair, that lady justice seems to always frown upon the sight of me but in reality I know I'm just lying to myself.

Speaking of lies, I have a certain issue that I can't deal with and I'm still pissed that I'm still so upset about it. I am so pissed that I don't even want to talk about it or remember that I feel that way but it seems to always come up in every single conversation I have. It sucks, people seem to forget that I have feelings too. It's like one mistake in my life is creating some epic domino effect that's beginning to take a toll on my emotional and psychological level. I don't like being mentally unstable, it's scary to think that you're not in the right mind to mind to decide anything anymore.

I had a conversation today that evolved to some deep 'where one sets the line between personal choice and the responsibility as a community' and it all rooted from a talk about religion. That's another lie I'm living. I'm so scared about the consequences of my thoughts in my society that I make sure that I erase every breadcrumbs I left along the way so no one knows how I feel about the things other people cling to with their very lives. The things my parents cling to and hope deep in their hearts that I would cling to as well.

Now I'm depressed because re-reading this, my life seems to was built upon a foundation of lies. But the truth? THE TRUTH? I can't handle the truth! My whole fucking existence is a lie! I wonder if anyone else has noticed this, not that they should because I don't pay anyone to be my therapist. Therapy is another lie, the only person who has authority over our mental state is ourselves, we shouldn't have to pay people to listen or fix us like the pipe under our sink. Maybe I shouldn't say that actually, lots of people will be out of a job then.

None of this will make sense tomorrow morning, then again you should give me credit, I'm dehydrated, tired, probably have tetanus in my hands after touching the poles in the bus and it's 1 am.

~patheticgirl43

Day Off!

2011-03-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

Since the beginning of this week I'd been wishing for a day off and finally, it's Friday (click on the link, I dare ya) and I got my day off! My only class today had been canceled, take that education!

Day offs are strange things, they either pan out to be...

Gray Area: Day Off by yours truly

or...

Gray Area: Also Day Off also by yours truly

But I didn't do either one of those things, instead I got to sleep (Oh sleep! Glorious, glorious sleep...) in and recharge the ol' battery and stay away from books that make me cringe. People keep telling me how sleep is a privilege and how I'd have gotten more sleep if I'd done my assignments earlier instead of letting it pile up and doing it at the last moment but there's never any fun in that. Where's the 'oh will I finish it in time' excitement? Where's the 'why would the printer run out of ink at this moment' adrenaline?

The only thing that could have made my day better was if we had a bathtub but then I would still be in the tub, listening to Billie Holiday over and over again since 5 in the afternoon instead of writing this post.

No, It's Serious Business This Time

2011-03-13T22:33:00.000-07:00

I remember watching a rerun of some show when mum crashed through the door and told me to change the channel. And we sat there, on the couch, watching in devastation as a single wave wiped out great cities like little building blocks. A lot of the buildings were still in tact and that is perhaps one of the marvels of Japanese architecture but we knew deep inside that everything those strong houses represented were crumbled to pieces.

As much as it felt like the world was in a stationary state, we heard that the tsunami might hit other parts of the world. Not as powerful as the one that hit the North of Japan surely but mum quickly rushed to her phone, trying to tell everyone she knew to stay away from the coast --which made little sense because most of them lived far away from the predicted affected areas.

At the time there weren't too many casualties and all we could do was sigh from relief even though in the back of our heads there was that constant fear that the number was to grow. We were glad too after hearing that most of the people have been warned and told to evacuate but all I could think about was the moment where they would return to their homes, after the storm has passed to find nothing but debris. Memories of a happy childhood would be gone and the artifacts of an ancestry that dates back to the olden days when your great, great, great, grandfather had lived in that very house vanished like dust in the wind. What would you do then? After you've realised that a whole lifetime you've spent building this family was wiped out within minutes.

But then my thoughts turned back to a clip on the tv where 2 people, trapped in the top floor of their home, waving white pieces of cloth to attract attention from the news chopper that flies above them desperately screaming at the top of their lungs 'please, please save us' and I sat there, knowing that I couldn't help them.

If there is one thing we can be grateful for from a disaster is how it brings the world together. If you're in no position to donate things then pray for them, I don't know how effective prayers are in relieving physical burdens but it might restore hope which is something everyone needs every once in a while.

Affirmative Action

2011-03-13T03:44:00.000-07:00

You know I think affirmative action is such a funny thing --not quite as funny as little cartoon though-- because it's supposed to be there to even out the field but it's actually the opposite. You end up with reverse discrimination which is still discrimination nevertheless. If you want a society that runs on equality then base everything on competence. Don't hire people because of the colour of their skin, hire them because they're good, the best. I think people will be that much happier when they realise they weren't just a tax lift requirement.. then again in this economy everyone is sort of game with anything. I say this, fully aware that I will most likely be out of any job I apply for if affirmative action doesn't exist. Le sob. There needs to be meaning to girl power right?

Something else I've noticed is how the internet is so much more interesting when you're procrastinating!! It's downright amazing...

Oh those days...

2011-03-11T17:54:00.000-08:00

Isn't it weird how when we get older everything we see in the world is suddenly not as peachy as it was? There's not one moment where I don't giggle when someone says 'screwing on a bolt good' and frankly, I am appalled! I remember when I was little and we once drove past an adult toy shop I used to think it had advanced legos, you know the ones you need to built the robotic legos you see on tv? I kept saying to my parents how we should stop and go there because I'm a big girl and I can handle my motorised legos! And now I understand how awkward that sentence would've sounded to them 'WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THE MOTORISED LEGOS??!!!'

What's weirder is that somehow the roles have reversed and I found myself sitting on the couch watching Call Me Fitz and there was this bit about one of the characters writing down a list of things he wanted to do before he dies, the last thing on the list was 'anal' when suddenly mum, who looked kind of awkward, asked me in a hushed tone 'what does that mean?' --because we're not an swell English speaking bunch o' folks. How the hell did we end up there? Or more importantly, what the hell was I supposed to say to her? 'Yes, mother, I suppose you are in that stage of life where you wonder about strange things. You see, when two adults love each other very much...'?? Shall I draw you a picture? What?

The conversation eventually came to an end, thank God, and we both have moved past that kerfuffle but I'll tell you what I wouldn't give to go back to thinking about motorised legos being parts you need to build a lego car or crane. To go back to the days where I didn't think that the Washington monument should have been called the Bill Clinton monument. Sex education screwed me up!!! (tee hee hee) But no, planned parenthood is important government of the United States, look what Indonesia has become when they pulled the plug a while back. Ka Boom! If you get ma drift..

Apocalypse How?

2011-03-09T10:11:00.000-08:00

That title has been punned so many ways, whatever, I don't care, it's my damn turn!

Shouldn't their extinction speak for their forecasting abilities?

Disclaimer: You should read this post with a monotonic voice because that was how I wrote it. I'm in this weird state of 'oh why bother' depression and 'we are all one and at peace' enlightenment. Or if it's easier, read it in Professor Snape's voice. His is supposed to be the nicest male audio in the world.

So some people are freaking out about 2012, I'm not really freaking out about it. I joke about freaking out about it but nothing really hits me until it's the day before. For example, I have my mids in about a week or so and I'm here in front of the computer instead of studying or freaking out like most people already are doing. I say, why freak today when you can put it off til tomorrow? Good ol' procrastination has helped me and my blood pressure.

It's hard to believe that the end is nigh, even if a movie with John Cusack has dictated so. I mean 10 years ago people thought the world was going to end, something about 1999 and if I'm not mistaken, it didn't. Then the year later there wasY2K that gave us the impression that technology will start blowing up. If they meant 'sales are blowing through the roof' blowing up then sure, y not rite? Then there was the whole 666 drama, I swore to myself that I would freak out then and there but when I got to it on the 7th of June 2006, I realised nothing had happened yet. I heard that a baby with ominous attributes was born that day--which is questionable enough as it is, I mean I think all babies have ominous attributes, for example I was born with ridiculously gorgeous eyes and adorable cheeks. Perfection can be interpreted as evil-- that might have been a conspiracy set up by the pro-choice people. 'Abortion should be legalised under the circumstance that you are carrying the devil's child' makes sense to me. But then again, everything happens for a reason right? On second thought could that 6 June 2006 baby be the Biebs?

I think that people will become hypocrites when the day approaches. Like me for example, I'm going to start going to church or something soon enough. Try to convince God that I sort of belong in his VIP room. That's another thing! Which religious rendition am I supposed to believe here? A bunch of people tell me that the sign that the end is near, is that Jesus would somehow come back --like the one trip wasn't enough, I don't get what he sees in us or this place to be honest-- how do we know that he hasn't already come in the past? How do we know he's not Christian Bale? He's working a weird Jesus do recently and no one knows why the hell he's doing it. Is it for a role or is it for judgment day? No one really knows... But everyone is working that look nowadays, even bums are working that look. What if the end meant that people's sincerity and identities will cease to exist because we'll all end up hypocrites who are rocking the long beard and scraggy hair. That's a mild disappointment isn't it? To think that a race so great as ours would end like that. I don't want to disappoint you, the weekend is almost here, so yes, 2012 will be the end of the world, the rest of the universe will care because our annihilation will create a supernova and the world will explode with a loud bang.

Jason Sudeikis is an Independent Woman

2011-03-05T04:16:00.000-08:00

I don't know who this Don Cheadle be, but I was watching an old episode of 30 Rock (again).. and this segment gave me a lot of needed laughter. Nothing gets anyone through the week better than Mr Draper channeling his inner Jamaican nurse, and my week was quite a mouthful believe me!

So if you don't get it, Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) is a bit high and she's hallucinating that the 3 Jamaican Nurses at the dentist's are her 3 ex-boyfriends because she's a lonely old hag.

Ooh gurrl, you need a boyfreend! Then again, this is a Saturday night and I'm on the webz so.. dammit!

On a completely unrelated note, I went through the whole Waiting for the Sun album and it is amazing, as it should be! The overall tone was actually a bit dark and depressing but haaay.. Don Cheadle on a bed of rice.

Question

2011-02-26T19:58:00.000-08:00

The room stopped spinning to the rhythm of indefinite frenzy and she said, 'Why does it always look like you constantly live in a state of fear?'

2011-02-09T07:11:00.000-08:00

My recent play list consists of Duran Duran, Madonna and Cyndi Lauper.. This can only mean one thing and one thing alone. OH LAWD!! IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED!!!! ThoughIwalkinthevalleyoftheshadowofdeathIfearnoevilforYouarewithme!

Seriously though, those shoulder pads and hair products can really hurt someone. It's bizarre! At times it even looks like they don't think anything is wrong with their appearances. "No Cyndi, that mullet/shaved side of head looks great on you".

YOUR LIFE IS SHIT!

2011-02-02T08:39:00.000-08:00

I read David Arkoff's 'Half Empty' which is interesting because I never really thought that the bleak shall inherit. I thought that the world was busy exterminating pessimists because they were contagious and therefore a menace to society not because they saw them as a threat like they did.. oh I'm going somewhere really horrid with that, scratch that, sunshine and rainbows yay. I actually thought that how you felt about something really did affect the outcome when it doesn't really because ultimately, we do move forward whether we like it or not.

If you think about it, figuratively and literally, looking at the bright side does nothing but blind you. I'm not trying to be a sour sally (no that is not product placement) but it's true you know, thinking that a severed leg was a blessing doesn't actually make it a real blessing. It just makes you delirious. Delirious and awful because I have a feeling you're only saying that so they would give you more anti depressants. AWFUL!

oh.. hay.....

So here I am, demotivating everyone who reads this because it's for your own good, people who underestimate themselves tend to do better than those with can-do spirits and rank themselves as geniuses.
You're welcome :)

One thing I've noticed is that on several channels on tv, they're okay with people saying 'crap' and 'bitch' but not shit. Why.

Girls, they want to have fun

2011-01-30T10:05:00.000-08:00

Leap years come more often than economists get to be right, I have a higher chance of winning the big lotto than predicting the right economic turnout. Economists get to say 'oh my God, I was actually right' about as much as the Australian national soccer team get to say 'we actually won' and in case you, like myself who frankly only decided to say this to prove that I can be relevant, don't follow soccer --or as the rest of the world seems to call it football despite the Brits saying it first and then abandoning the term after reailising it made no sense whatsoever-- this analogy roughly translates to: rarely ever.


No, but really...

I don't want to be an economist. Hell, I don't know what I want to do in the future but job security isn't exactly what I sought for when I applied for the course. It sounds cheesy when I say I'm there for the ed-u-ca-tion but one of the main reason was when I read in one of Bill Watterson's interview where he basically says that the more you know about the world, the better you will be at writing comics. Do I want to draw comics for the rest of my life? I don't know, don't pigeon hole me! So it freaks me out that people my age are already thinking about interning at multinational corporations or other possible future employers when I'm thinking what kind of picture I want for the cover of my book this semester.

I don't have the kind of drive that these other kids have and I've made peace with that. It's weird though when people actually ask me 'what you gonna do with your life?' oh daddy dear you know you're still number one.. no, and I've been dodging these questions mostly with ridiculous answers and brush it off with a laugh but after a while, I can't think up other jobs between Russian double agent moonlighting as a model to world famed Cher impersonator in Vegas. I've planned out everything else in my life though, I've figured out the interior to my studio apartment, what kind of dog I want to have and what his name will be, I've even picked out the tiles to my future bathroom! But what I'd be doing still remains a mystery.

But for God's sakes, I'm a freshman! Can I just live and figure out life one piece at a time without already having to predict the impossible, knowing full well that the chances that I'd get it right are very, very slim or in analogy: Australia winning the world cup. Until the time comes for my future to unfold, I think I will just sit in the comfort of my couch, sipping tea whilst ungratefully moaning about how unfair and awful my life is, waiting for something to change for the better like magic. Good day to you sir!

---

Disclaimer: I have nothing against Australians, but guys.. really.

2011-01-27T01:24:00.000-08:00

I looked into your eyes and say that I could see your soul, the deep, mysterious being that we refuse to understand. But I lied. Eyes are only eyes, they cannot speak, and all I saw was a reflection of myself.

---

10 points if you know whose eyes I drew. Clue: They're definitely not mine! :'D

**I know it sounds like a riddle but it's actually not, I have honestly forgotten who's photo I used for reference. I'm pretty sure it's someone famous and female. It may very well be male actually lots of guys seem to have long eyelashes, you can never tell these days,

Dialogue

2011-01-21T10:20:00.000-08:00

Devon Banks : You know, revenge is a dish best served cold, Jack. Like sashimi... or pizza

Jack : You prefer cold pizza?

Devon Banks : The morning after? It's the best.

Jack : Better than hot pizza? That's insane!

Devon Banks : You don't tell me what kind of pizza to like. You don't tell me anything anymore, Jack!

~30 Rock

ASSignment

2011-01-18T03:53:00.000-08:00

Gray Area: Assignment

I always wind up in this type of situation, I wake up one morning feeling all overwhelmed with the many things that I had to finish in a short period of time and they always lecture me on how I have terrible time management and say 'how many times do I have to tell you this?' when obviously the answer to that question is 'one' whether I choose to actually take that advice and implement it in my lifestyle is another different ordeal. But for the record, I'm as bored of hearing it as you are saying it so don't go off playing the victim here. If anyone is the victim, it should be me! Not only do I have to listen to your nagging about my incompetence, I also have the crapload of work to finish. Have a heart guys, all I need is a pot of coffee and some sympathy.

No, but seriously, I think it's interesting how there's always that one person in everyone's lives who will lecture us on the whole stop complaining and get the work done speech. Geez, like I just want to sit down and complain every once in a while you know?

Worst Job Ever

2011-01-18T03:42:00.000-08:00

Gray Area: Accounting

By God, be thankful for digital information systems!

Hey, I calls it as I sees it. This is the absolute truth to how I feel about the job, I can't imagine anything worse than having to sit down for hours looking at financial transactions, analysing them and recording them over and over again inside a cubicle. To have to constantly be so meticulous and dedicated to something that is basically like a ritual for modern society. Or is that migrant labourers? I get those two mixed up... :\

It Should've been Called "Ferris Bueller's Day ON"

2011-01-14T08:24:00.000-08:00

the world needs to do this every second Sunday and third Wednesday I think

This reminded me of a play our elementary school did and another class got to perform Twist and Shout wearing 60s ensemble while my class got a depressive, post-apocalyptic, future scene with weird installments of Big Yellow Taxi, a random techno beat and an I Still Call Australia Home solo that I didn't get (lol?). At least I got to make some of the props...

Anyhow! I just saw Ferris Bueller’s Day Off which is a hilarious movie, probably because it caught me off guard because I don’t usually expect much from a teenage movie from the --what is that 80s? Let alone one that stars Matthew Broderick. I know I’ve only seen this, Inspector Gadget and The Bachelor but really..

And this is the greatest thing about the movie: despite the movie title having his name in it, it wasn’t really about Ferris. He’s like the narrator who guides us through each character and plot. His character probably grew the least and I didn’t care much about his romantic entanglements. If anything they only served as Cameron’s sidekicks throughout the day. But I suppose that’s another great thing about his character and Broderick himself, he can be a complete douche bag and the typical popular guy that everyone seems to glorify but there’s something about him that won’t let us hate him. So I suppose his character didn’t need that much development to begin with. Aside from Cameron, the only other character who grew was Ferris’ sister –whose name escapes me. Another great thing is that I finally understand a bunch of Family Guy references like the “Shauna…”, the art gallery bit and the running scene towards the end.

It really got me asking why I never pulled a stunt like that when I was still in school. I think that he learned a lot more in town than he would, crammed in a boring classroom with teachers that have no desire to teach you anyway. I feel like I was one of those students who attended every class but would just sit there cursing my unfortunate fate because the day was sunny and beautiful and I was stuck listening to other kids answer tedious questions that we knew wouldn’t do any good outside of the exam room. So I guess I related most to umm Shauna? Is that her name or was that another tongue in cheek?

I wish I could drive around in a limited edition Ferrari, steal someone’s reservation in a fancy pansy restaurant, watch a baseball game, see beautiful art and think about how insignificant and formless we really are and boogie-oogie-oogie ‘til I can’t boogie no more to twist and shout with thousands of people in the streets without wondering how all those activities could fit into an 8-6 time slot. Then I realise that I could have and I still can.

---

You should re-read this post and play a drinking game for every time I say ‘character’

Start of Year Melancholia

2011-01-03T04:54:00.000-08:00

I was watching a home video from when I was two, with a head full of hair like present day Bruce Willis. I remember when I was little I used to always suck my thumb and grown ups would come up to me and ask what my thumb tasted like and I would tell them 'chocolate'. Either I was proof that believing so much that something is a certain way tricks the brain into thinking that it is reality or I was already a very sarcastic person from birth.

Listening to Fanfarlo's I'm a Pilot with the words 'if I stay in this room, they'll remember me for my youth' over and over again gave me an interesting way of spending my life and coping with the ugly process known as aging. But I'm not a rich Texan who can afford buying the hotel I get kicked out of. And If I really did that, there's not much to remember me for anyway. What a sad way to die...

In the Days of Auld Lang Syne....

2010-12-30T21:36:00.000-08:00

...A new year unfolds

something I drew in 2008, still applies don't you think?

Let us review this year's resolution shall we? To cut down on the incessant comments, I'll just cross out the ones I failed to do and put a happy face ( :D like so) on the ones I succeeded.

~~1. I will cut down on my consumerism habits, spending less than all of my allowance per month~~
~~2. I will cut down on the whinging if possible, stop altogether.~~
~~3. I will work harder on my studies so I can get into art school~~ AND sadface :c

4. I will exercise more :\
5. I will cut down on the lounging around in front of any screens :D
6. I will care more about the world and its problems :D
~~7. I will be nicer to all those around me who aren't a complete bitch~~
~~8. I will stop calling everyone bitches~~
~~9. I will reduce the vulgar nature of my language~~
10. I will stop using 'shit' as different adjectives because of my small range of vocabulary :'DD
11. I will start eating healthier (and gain more weight dammit!!!) :'DDD
12. I will stop condemning smokers to death! :G <-- I don't even know what that is
~~13. I will stop condemning ignorant people to death~~

6/13! :'D

New resolution:

MUFFIN TOP NO MORE!!!!!! D:<

Though really, that's more for the holidays. I know I sound like one of those skinny bitches who complain about being fat when she isn't. What's that? Real women have curves? I have curves, I have too many bloody curves that I have to freaking draw in class... frigging econ. I don't think I have a muffin top, even though admittedly my pants are getting tighter. Seeing as I have the mileage of a chainsmoker, I just want to get fit.

2010 in a nutshell

2010-12-30T00:06:00.000-08:00

lol paint..

I mean if you ignore the oil spill, the Koreas tension, the shocking return of cholera and Justin Biebers' AMAs it really wasn't so depressing. And for me personally, so many amazing things happened. I graduated, walked all the way to school, went to my first concert (and found out I'm not too keen on noise and flashing lights), lost my virginity to a bike saddle, met up with a bunch of friends I haven't seen in a long time, pulled my first all nighter for school, stopped eating red meat, discovered the magic that is Glee and their renditions of various theatre classics, got spooned by complete strangers in a crowded train, lost all the files in my computer, survived the first semester of college, had someone throw out half of my turkey leg by mistake, saw a bunch of movies I didn't understand, paid way too much for a pair of shoes, read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, figured out how to play the Girl From Ipanema, lived through Gone With the Wind (and frankly my dear, I really didn't give a damn...)

And perhaps most amazing of all, I went to a varsity volleyball practice and had my very own Daria moment...

This one to be exact:

and yes, the moment was set on loop.

It was actually a big fail moment so it's pretty sad considering the circumstances but at the same time, it's something I've always wanted to do.

So yes! 2011, bring it.

December ’10: How Statistic, Consumerism and Religion Ruined Christmas

2010-12-24T00:18:00.000-08:00

Well technically since Christmas hasn't happened yet, it can't possibly have been ruined yet but it will be oh just you wait. I’m probably the last person to complain about Christmas being ruined because often times, I ruin it for other people. Why? Because being able to piss the hell out of everyone on Christmas is perhaps the greatest gift the universe can ever give me. Now, I care for people, I just don’t care for their happiness and wellbeing!

The exam schedule seems to be messed up this year, I’ve told you before how I still have more exams after Chrissy, maybe because we started the year a bit late or the fact that there were so many national holidays that everything either had to be pushed up or pushed down --no, that’s not supposed to make any sense. But I mean, a lot of other people have it worse, some still have exams up to New Year and start again on the 3^rd of January or you know.. living in the streets somewhere. So I figured out that the education system feeds on the misery of the people connected to it. I woke up this morning with a high apple pie in the sky until I remembered that I have yet to study for my statistic exam next week, I mean talk about Pi! As if it hasn’t been riding me down all year already! Sometimes when I see the poster of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, I see µ in Jim Carrey’s face’s place. That green little bastard…

But as if that’s not enough, I’ve been having guilt trips whenever I go to the mall. I would see all these people just doing their Christmas shopping and I’d be sitting there in the coffee shop, slurping my drink away with the money I could have used to buy other people mediocre gifts they’d sell at their next garage sale and people would be looking at me with shifty eyes. I can tell what they’re thinking, ‘oooh, look at that awful girl, sitting alone with no shopping bags in sight, she’s probably one of those scrooges who ruin Christmas’ truth or no, I didn’t like the tone in which their eyes said that. People accuse me of being cheap and inconsiderate. Is it inconsiderate that I don’t want to burden people with awkward moments after giving them a third Michael Bolton CD? See that’s the thing with gift giving, like Arrec Barrdwin’s character from 30 Rock said, it’s the purest form of friendship because if you can’t give them the perfect gift, then it shows what a crappy friend you truly are. I’d rather my friends not know that I’m a horrible friend, so birthdays, anniversaries, valentine’s: nothing. And again with the stares and cries of me being cheap. Take a look at it another way, maybe my gift is the greatest gift anyone can give to the world. People say cheap, I say SAYING NO TO CONSUMERISM.

Still, I don’t discourage people on spending naturally, just not for other people. It’s ridiculous to splurge on things you know they will just raincheck on, I mean geez, we are all in a terrible economic downfall. If you absolutely must give people something because your ‘conscience’ will die without it, make them something. Yeah, make them hideous, knitted sweaters with reindeers and your face on it so they can't return it or donate it to the Salvation Army, ask them why they’re not wearing it every time you go out despite it being 50 degrees (Celsius guys, get with the metric system) out there.

Another thing about malls, and this I read in the newspaper, is the overkill on Christmas décor that is offensive to people with other beliefs. Why would fat men in red suits and little people in elf costume offend people? Majority of our population consists of fat and little people --seriously no one is the right size here, what’s going on? Do we need Alice’s mushrooms? Then I remembered that Christmas is a religious thing here, it’s in fact not a symbol of consumerism as it is in other cultures. I keep getting it mixed up with X-Mas, I hate it when they try to put religion into everything! It's pretty crazy though, they get upset if we have Santas running around, they get upset when we have baby Jesuses running around, there's just no pleasing them, or the health department for that matter.

So if you didn’t read the article, it’s basically this conservative, religious group, MUI fearing Christianisation --which is apparently not a word, thank you obnoxious paper clip-- in Indonesia. Here is my favourite quote from the article:

Santa Claus is a symbol for “a certain faith.”

Damn straight it is! It’s a symbol for my faith. The belief that a fat man from the Arctic should have the right to break and enter into houses with children and eat all of their cookies, cookies that the children probably intended on eating the next day but now won’t be able to because he freaking ate them all, and not be arrested.

You know what, I can wish every year for world peace or for a utopia but the old chum hasn’t been very successful in making it happen has he? I realise that for a true utopia to exist, everyone --but me-- must die and though it would be nice to finally get some alone time, I need people to teach me statistic, be judgmental and saying stupid things in the media. So I’ll set the bar lower this year, making my Christmas wish to be something that should be easier to conjure: I wish for someone to find Osama Bin Laden already, preferably not himself.

Bitter Christmas wishes aside, here is a video of Eartha Kitt's Santa Baby. Because it's not Christmas without drag queens mouthing the words awfully. But first and foremost, it's never really Christmas without Ms Kitt, may her soul rest in peace..

Well, merry Christmas, hoes!

Mother, how are you today

2010-12-21T21:30:00.000-08:00

I drew this ages ago, good God why did people tell me I could draw??

Apparently it's mother's day, I know right, weird? I must have one of those shitty calendars then. Of course, the fact that it's not for 2010 might add to the confusion, for all I know today is Tuesday.

So I'm going to just do a post about how awesome my mum is --and she's super awesome, I mean she did give birth to me! Come on-- It's like yesterday when she asked me if I was going to school today she was telling me how unfair it was that I didn't have to and she did. And I told her how I thought she loved her job and she gave me one of those 'don't give me whole you-can-actually-love-what-you-do bullshit, I taught you that' and I tried to console her, 'Mum, at least you get paid to be there! I pay to be there, so either way you get the better end of the bargain.' Which is actually not the least bit true because she's the one paying for my tuition, I really do just have to show up. And now I feel really bad about it.

She's the kind of mum who doesn't want to see her little girls run around, playing hockey or rugby because it's creepy to have old men cheer for us on the sidelines, who doesn't let us smoke or drink because it would stink up the house, who still covers our eyes when there is a kissing scene in a movie but watched and admired the beauty of Collin Firth's arse in A Single Man with us.

Happy Mother's Day for every mothers out there and for those who have mothers and for those who have motherly figures present in their lives and those who aren't mothers and have no mothers because it's a wonderful day anyway. Seriously, it's really sunny, I should go out...

Also, my mum is cooler than yours, period, hands down, no question about it.

Coping With Exam Woes

2010-12-17T09:28:00.000-08:00

Gray Area: Cheat

A lot of times during finals you will see people come out of the exam room wondering to themselves where they went wrong in preparation. Luckily, I knew exactly what I did wrong so I could go straight to the beating-self-up-for-being-a-complete-tard phase of the post traumatic stress. Here's what happened...

Last night when I should have been studying, I ended up watching part soccer, part Sky High --which as much as I hate to admit is actually not too bad a family-friendly movie-- here's the catch: I hate watching soccer, I never get what's going on in the game, it's like.. wake me up when they kick a homerun you know? But at times, when I lack motivation to do other things or feel like being one of those jackasses who switch loyalty and become instant patriots when the occasion is convenient, yes, I do in fact watch soccer. When that was over, I went upstairs to hit the books --well book actually, we just have the one but it could very well be 3 and it wouldn't have made the slightest difference-- only to instead find myself practicing how to tie a windsor knot with a tie that I got for high school but never really wore, followed by the experimentation of using many different fabrics, including my towel, as an ascot tie. Then I slept through the morning.

So 8 hours, 2 rainstorms and 3 pages of handwritten bullshitting later, I have made peace with the fact that probably I won't graduate with a first. Darn society and their ridiculously high standards! And once again, 30 Rock has made the coping much easier. Good show!

Opiate of the Masses

2010-12-10T12:38:00.000-08:00

I guess Mr Watterson hadn't seen t3h InTErw3bz! lololololzlolroflwaffle

Gray Area: Trash

I just realised that most of the shows I currently watch are reality shows. And I don't mean the animal planet reality, I mean awful dancing, singing, cooking, modeling, weird match-up, talent competitions. Then the occasional E! THS... How sophisticated am I?

--lookie here what i can do with ma thumb!--

Like the only openly scripted shows I watch are.. Family Guy.

Curse those sweatpants!

2010-12-10T06:54:00.000-08:00

Gray Area: Thanksgiving

It's harder in places where we don't have thanksgiving to blame for instantaneous weight gain. I don't fit into my jeans anymore!!! How is that fair? It's not even Christmas yet D:

At least jeans don't leave judgmental toothpick shaped marks..

Magnolia

2010-12-07T06:26:00.000-08:00

This fucking life... oh, it's so fucking hard. So long. Life ain't short, it's long. It's long, goddamn it.

My favourite scene from this movie and quite possibly my favourite scene off a movie ever, nah I'm kidding, there's still Atonement's Dunkirk evacuation.

I saw Magnolia on tv the other night and I am obsessing over it right now. Even if the whole thing was censored to the teeth.. It begins with 3 stories, the hanging of 3 men , a scuba diver and a suicide turn homicide. Events that were only a matter of chance, so bizarre that we can dismiss them because we saw them in a movie but truth be told, these things happen.

The main story is actually about a bunch of people: a man dying of cancer who left his ex-wife and son a long time ago, a son who now lives with the philosophy 'tame the cunt, respect the cock', his current wife who was first only in it for the money and his caretaker who is determined to find that estranged son of his. And of another man dying of cancer, also estranged from his daughter who is now a junkie and a mess, and his loving wife who sits at home waiting for him to come home from 'what do kids know?' a gameshow that he hosts, a current participant on the show who has one of those show fathers, a former participant on the show who grew up, got struck by lightning and is not as bright as he used to be and an awkward cop who falls in love with the estranged daughter of the second dying man.

I think this is one of those movies that even if you know the ending, you still can watch it over and over again. Because it's not a thriller, or a mystery, it's just a story about the lives of different people and how they are intertwined in a small city in LA neatly wrapped in Aimee Mann's songs. I mean it can get pretty bleak, it's no fairytale but there are funny bits in the movie, mostly ones with Jim the cop. The acting was phenomenal! I'm not a fan of Tom Cruise but even he pulled his own weight here, but what really caught my attention was Jason Robards (Earl)'s performance and he was in bed the whole time.

Seriously though... what a movie!

---

Julianne Moore seems to be everywhere lately for me, ever since she was on 30 Rock a few weeks ago.. who is she, Jude Law circa 2005? Oh that was below the belt, I'm sorry..

2010-12-05T02:18:00.000-08:00

There is no muzzle on that sheep! D: Naaawh...

I am inside a box and it doesn't fit me so I have to pretend that if does. And despite pretending being more tiring than getting out of the actual box, it's quite warm and comfy inside.

My Wall, She Cries!

2010-12-04T03:05:00.000-08:00

Not really. How absurd, a wall crying? My room must have leaked or something when it rained really hard a few weeks ago and the water just washed everything out. I mean with charcoal I pretty much walked right into this one.

Finals in a few weeks! And then Christmas, then more finals.. then new year, then I'm out! For the semester... I'm starting to think that the whole placing the finals before and after Chrissy is a blessing in disguise because this way I can tell my parents that I have to study so I won't have to go to the family gathering but still get the food because they would pity me and bring some home. No, that's horrible I know, my hatred for the human race should be postponed. It is the holiday season after all.

War and (Not) Peace

2010-11-27T01:21:00.000-08:00

Another great strip by Bill Watterson.

It really is a stupid game! I don't understand the thrill of it, you spend all that time and money and just end up with nothing but a bunch of dead people on the streets. The world doesn't need another war.

You know what I think is most peculiar? The fact that it's because of war that we appreciate peace. Every time a war has just ended the world gathers in a huge crowd and cheer in unison, people cry from happiness and we are so grateful to have found peace. Then time goes on and we are stuck in our stressful jobs yet again and we complain despite the fact that we live in peace because the euphoria is gone. I don't think it's worth the bloodshed though, I would rather we live bleak, monotonous lives where nothing really matters than have people fight for reasons that make no sense and will eventually be forgotten.

Nice costs!

2010-11-25T00:14:00.000-08:00

In class we had a discussion (sort of) about how with premium items we buy the brand instead of the actual product. I can say that I neither agree or disagree because both sides seem to have some truth in it. I think if anything we buy it for image. There is so much pressure from today's society for us to suddenly be saints. Like if we're not vegans we're suddenly this heartless, carnivore who eat baby camels for breakfast or if we don't drive a hybrid we're equivalent to psychopathic serial killers who target black and white animals with beaks and the inability to fly. So being nice is actually more expensive than most would think!

I'm not saying about the times we have to give money to some random homeless in the streets, because you've been staring for more than 5 minutes and nobody else has the compassion to give their spare change, only to realise later that we'd just given away our bus money. Try a slightly bigger scale, the things we buy. We all seem to have this urge to buy designer items or whatever. When you see a Vuitton bag in the stores costing as much as how much you normally pay for a month's worth of electricity and more and then a similar one in china town for a significantly lower price, it's only instinct that we choose the latter. Knowing full well that the quality will be terrible, not to mention the fact that it's illegal so you might get into bigger trouble. So because we wish to get better quality items in the hopes of saving more in the long run and not be in kerfuffle with the authorities, you're forced to choose the authentic bag, not really because you can just as easily walk away.

That's no question, but suppose you find a similar bag, that's brand new and let's say it was sold in a lower end store like Target (unlikely, whatev) so the quality is better than the bootleg version --though not as good as the original-- and of course it will be sold at a lower price. This is also no question, you buy the one at Target, but what you'll be paying for here would not be the quality or the design but rather on the blood of the illegal Mexican labour in the south of the states or the blood of the Indian children who are forced to sew the stitches of your bag with hands that are supposed to be writing stupid, pointless essays in school or by other workers who live in housing provided by the factory in some remote location that's not even fit for a chicken. So when you buy cheaper items of similar quality and design instead of its more expensive counterpart, not only will you be humiliated by the accusations of being cheap but also that you are a Nazi who is against humanitarian ways.

There are things that are cheaper despite it being better though, like music and books. With the invention of mp3s and ebooks, you can now purchase songs and reading material online and have it in its digital form. This way you don't pay for the transportation therefore cheaper than if you buy it's bricks and mortar counterpart. Transportation is bad for its engine exhaust that endangers the environment, just thought I should clarify, and then there's the packaging, oih! So not only will you be considered an efficient, economic fella by your peers, you are also an environmentalist who just helped slow down global warming and saved the world and its organisms as we know it. You're a freaking hero!

Then again, if you really think about it, not using transportation means you might have just put a loooooot of people in that industry out of work. So you care about the environment but not the people who live in it. What's the matter with you? You sick monster!

Nice costs! So here's what I propose, or rather what my sister proposed to me once, live in a farm and live self sufficiently like the freaks who live in the secluded, small town in horror movies. Sure, you'll breed cows that emit greenhouse gases but if people want to complain about it you can turn them into wax statues and no one will know.

Don't they?

2010-11-24T05:08:00.000-08:00

Fire burns in hearth.

Boy jumps over grass meadow.

Wind caresses rosy cheeks.

Man lives by river front.

Soul dies in silenced thought.

Sequels? More like... I don't know what pun to use

2010-11-22T00:32:00.000-08:00

I saw Clueless the other day and it's pretty funny but I still think Mean Girls is better (high school based movies, no matter how irrelevant shall always be compared to another!) then I remembered reading that they were making a Mean Girls 2. Why? Why do people do that? But to ask that may be similar to why we live or why mass murder exist. Nobody knows but it happens.

There are many ways a sequel that's made after so many years to its prequel can go. It can be absolutely amazing and make people cry like Toy Story, or it can leave us crying in different context like Rush Hour did or it could just be there for reasons we really don't know, waiting for another movie to just cover its failure like Transformers. To be frank, I still don't know why they're there. Or it could go straight to DVD, only to be encountered upon by some hyped up kid in a supermarket who's trying to escape the grocery duties her parents have left her months after, this is precisely what will happen to Mean Girls 2.

The worst part would be the fact that the first movie was so brilliant, it would cast a huuuuuge shadow over its sequel. So Hollywood film makers, hear my plea: stop making shit sequel to beloved movies for reasons unclear to mankind. Whether it be to feed your personal creative egos or to milk some cow that's already dried up, just stop it! Stop killing our favourite movies with awful memories.

But who knows, it all comes down to the writing, the old writers will not be involved so... wild card. But definitely something I won't want to watch unless I'm sick and it's on Cinemax and nothing else is on. I would rather keep Mean Girls a memory of a stellar movie with an ending I hoped wasn't.

A Letter for Karma

2010-11-05T02:32:00.000-07:00

Dearest Karma,

How are you? We haven't spoken in a while, maybe you cut your hair? I actually cut mine, I'm pretty sure you think it looks hideous and to be frank I don't know what to make of it just yet. You're probably wondering why I'm suddenly writing you after all these years, it's just that you have been a complete dick to me recently. Why???!!!!

Sincerely,

Me

***

So here's a funny thing about life, it sucks! And you know what, after knowing that, I'm actually much better off because now I've learned to just suck it up. Sucking up all the suckiness.. yup. 8 am Friday, November 5th 2010, I was in my mum's car and reached into my pocket to look at the time on my phone --the car's engine was off, she had to copy something-- only to realise that it was in fact not present. I had left my phone charging in my room that very morning in a half asleep state of mind. Good show.

10:30 am Friday, November 5th 2010, I went to the cafeteria with a bunch of friends to grab a bite to eat --not the least obvious therefore I felt it was necessary to tell you that. We ran to a table with a long chair so everyone would fit and sat down, it was a long walk. I opened my bag and rummaged through it to get my wallet, alas, it was absent as well. There I was, phone less, wallet less, and hungry. Now I owe my friend after she offered to buy me my lunch.

11:15 am Friday, November 5th 2010, I left the cafeteria because I remembered there was a meeting I had to attend. I rushed to the library because I recalled someone saying something about it being our meeting place. It was closed so I sat in the lobby. I realised how weirdly coloured the walls are, there were greys, yellows, oranges and greens. They must not be a believer of cohesive colours being nice. I had a hunch that they changed the place and texted me but because I didn't have my phone and the campus is a big place for me to narrow down a spot, I stayed just in case someone came to the library under the same impression as me. It turned out that they really did change the place, I probably have to do something for not attending now.

03:20 am Friday, November 5th 2010, I remembered not having my wallet and wondered how I could get home. I was walking past a group of buskers who sounded amazing and thought that maybe I should in fact busk until I have enough money to get home. Then I remembered another fact, I sing as well as a car radiator that broke down in a blazing desert somewhere in Nevada or to put it simply, like Miley Cirus. I considered sitting there and singing anyway just in case someone would think I was a drunk child who've been roaming the streets at night and have a meth addiction by the age of 9 and that someone might sympathize. I abandoned the idea, it might not turn out so well, also because I found small change in the front pouch of my bag.

Then I got home and the night is still young, plenty of room for misery to take place. To which I say, bring it ounn bish! This is actually the second time I left my phone and wallet this week. I keep wondering to myself what it is that I did wrong for such bad luck to keep happening.... Whatever it is I'm sorry already!

The Sort of Vegetarian, but Not Really, Life

2010-10-30T02:15:00.000-07:00

Not eating meat has proven to be rather difficult. If I had a penny for every time I broke my vow of never eating meat again, I'd get.. 5 cents maybe. It's really hard work to be able to eat something while picturing the sad eyes of cows whose brains are about to be blown up by a gun and then later, beheaded and mutilated further and then skinned and then transported in hygienically questionable vehicles for hours while the drivers sing 99 bottles of beers. But as the song progressed to the 76th bottle of beer, I had just swallowed what was perhaps the leg of a calf or it could very well be a rat, who can really tell these days? I think this newfound capability to be so apathetic towards animal cruelty might be what happens when they air CSI and Bones and NCIS during prime time or as I call it, crunch time, because you know.. that's when I eat. So after all these years of watching dehumanised corpses, rotting and all that blaugh while I eat my dinner has dulled my reflexes of barfing when I eat while seeing or hearing something revolting.

So basically, this is my confession. Forgive me father for I have sinned. Yesterday in the cafeteria, I ordered meatballs and then I ate those meatballs. They were so good, I had forgotten what heaven tasted like in my mouth. In my defense, you can never really be sure of what animal is in those meatballs. Hell, it might not even be an animal at all! It might be children, or cabbages, or cabbage patch kids. Anyway, after I finished eating it, I felt so drenched in guilt that I walked to the box for a charity and donated a few thousands. Calfie --that's what I decided to call the calf whose legs was chopped up in order for me to eat those meatballs, oh you would've loved him! He was a calf-about-town who drove a cab for high end, lonely, 30 something dairy cows and charms them into his pants only to realise later that he's spent most of his life chasing an illusion of youth and discovers that he will spend the rest of his life alone, a life that as we know was taken from him when the butcher cut his leg and served it as meatballs-- that donation was in your name! All the people that bill managed to save is thanks to you, buddy. Bop, bop, you're a champ!

And then there was that time I ate a burger. The whole time I was eating it, I was telling myself that pigs are magical creatures that can feel no pain --almost like turkeys! You have to understand just how difficult it was so say that --in my mind-- over the 'babe.. pah pah, pah pah, pah pah I got you babe' that kept playing like that one song they always play in every discotheques (do they even call it that anymore?) in town. Obnoxious. But I'm despicable.

You're probably wondering why I wrote this here, well actually, I originally wrote this as a speech I could say in a confession booth but then I remembered I'm not Catholic so...

Calfie, anonymous pig, you will forever be engraved in my memories.. also in my faeces.

2010-10-26T07:19:00.000-07:00

There are mornings where she would lie there, awake but asleep.
Suffocating, like she was drowning but unable to leap out of the water.
And people would mutter, 'poor baby girl, no attention left to be spared'
There are mornings where she doesn't want to get up.
But up she got and trudge along the day she would, only to sleep again.
And sleep she would, like there was no tomorrow --for there really isn't a physical being named such.
And in the morning she would again lie there, awake but asleep.
Trapped in the nauseating world of slumber.
...Angels never wake LOL

I am sooo bored.... should study but I don't want to D: I want an oompa loompa now!